I hate my nocturnal depression, [...]

[S_IsMyUsername]

I hate my nocturnal depression, again.... DAMN IT AGAIN... Why almost every night? Can't I sleep in peace like everyone else for once? No my retarded fucking head has to blame me again. And that to a point where I doubt my own existence and only wish myself dead. I hate my existence and wish CTB was easier. Why do I always think about others when they never think about me? I could puke. I have heard so many times, "You can do it" or "Don't worry, it will stop" NO! it doesn't stop! It gets worse every day and I wish my bus wasn't as late as others.


[edit]
I've had plans so many times, and I wish the fucking self-preservation mode of a human being wouldn't intervene, every fucking time. The last time it only got me into a psych ward where I was kept like a fucking chicken on the slaughter bench for 3 weeks. Why do they have to make it so hard for me when I would just accept the injection?

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really dreadful what you are going through, I get that it's tiring and awful feeling trapped in an existence you hate, it's certainly beyond cruel how it's this difficult to die.