Venting I hate my birthday

[Baron]

Today is my birthday. Several people congratulated me and I had to act happy, it's tiring. All my birthday does is remind me of my inability to ctb. I lived another full year and nothing changed, I'm still here, alive, breathing, waking up every morning and sleeping every night. I feel so weak, not being determined enough to do it out of my own volition. All I do is tell myself, that my life will end soon, that it doesn't matter that I'm living today and tomorrow, because I will definitely do it soon. But no shit, turns out I've been telling myself this for a year now and still nothing happened. I feel so weak and useless

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of existing here, I find birthdays depressing as even know it's one year closer to death no matter what, they still represent yet another year of suffering here.