Venting I hate how one cannot truly express their real feelings about wanting to die without unwanted consequences

[TAW122]

I was inspired by this video by Marc Antinatalist from a previous thread I wrote about on how people just cannot be (truly) honest in this world and how the world has cultivated a culture of lying as well as incentivized not being honest (in order to avoid worse consequences) especially in such a paternalistic, pro-life world we live in.

There are many times in my life where I'm just tempted and want to say "I'd rather just die", "I'd rather kill myself", "I will kill myself if (something condition happen)" or something similar to those, yet I always have to consciously avoid saying that (or anything that could hint suicidality or suicidal ideation). I believe that if people were able to be honest and share their feelings without repercussion (socially, civilly, and legally), then people's stress levels would be lower, there would likely be less people who actually CTB (or even attempt to CTB), and generally an easier time in existence. However, sadly, that isn't the world we live in. We live in a world where we cannot be honest for fear of unfortunate repercussions stemming from it.

It also pisses me off how mental health professionals and mandated reporters (usually those in power or have responsibility for the welfare of others – law enforcement, educators, healthcare workers, social workers, and many other similar professions) always do some sort of assessment and questioning about risk of CTB rather than to look at the person's choice as a rational response to suffering. If one is too honest and forthright about their true thoughts, instead of getting a solution to whatever problem, reason, or issue that they are suffering through, they are treated like some leper, a criminal, or some victim of themselves, gaslit, and worst, locked up (detained) against their will and be forced medications or medical decision imposed on them without recourse. Then of course, society and the institutions around it sanction this barbaric kind of practice even if said person ends up being worse off. There are even specific situations where a person's life is worse off and problems only exacerbated as a result of the negative repercussions incurred by an individual.

I do believe that if I was able to truly express myself IRL, then I wouldn't have this cloud of repressed feelings with respect to wishing to die or venting. In fact, I believe I would be healthier (as ironic as it sounds) if I was just about to vent and voice my true opinion without fear of (legal and civil) repercussions. Until then, unfortunately, I must continue to mask my true thoughts in this pro-life, prohibitive, paternalistic, authoritarian world that we live in, up until the day I die (whether by other causes or by CTB, most likely the latter). I sometimes can't wait until things boil over and reach a critical mass so that society is forced to make "changes" because the way things are cannot be sustained indefinitely, but I digress.

 

[MrDarkness]

It's how you say it honestly, saying I'd rather kill myself. Go and say, I will die eventually either by my hands or others. You gotta spin the yarn yk. You gotta be good at talking, like implying it, but not. Some therapists are fine if you mention ctb depends. I wish society could be open about death

 

[TAW122]

Yes, spinning the statement and reframing it such a way is a workaround, but the fact that society is very anti-death and has stigma all over it in every facet is the bigger problem. I simply just avoid it because it's easier and less of a hassle than having to constantly be on guard and watch my own framing of my own speech. Furthermore, I haven't sought any mental health professional since 2018, except to get documentation for certain services (usually just an evaluation to prove I'm on the spectrum or for documentation to apply for certain programs/services - back when I was job hunting). Even then, I don't even mention it due to the risk it carries and while I know some are fine about it, I simply cannot risk it since I know how it can easily go out of control or put me under unnecessary stress and anxiety from the probing, questioning, and risk assessment. It's just better I avoid that altogether. On your final point, yes I wished society is more open about death, and in specific situations when the topic of death and avoiding suffering, I do try to imply that it is better to alleviate suffering than to keep someone alive suffering until their (very painful and uncomfortable) death. I know there are people who support the right to die for terminally ill patients and similar, so I'm destigmatizing the topic of death from that front.

 

[foreverfalling]

Thanks for sharing that video, it was very relatable and I've been thinking about this recently. It is unfortunate the only place we can speak our minds is anonymously here. There's no gain in being honest to other people, because they will always use it to their advantage. How lonely that makes the world. It's a prisoner's dilemma. If everyone was honest, genuine and respectful everyone would be better off. But people are selfish creatures and will lie even at the cost of dragging everyone else down.

 

[my_sundown]

Agree, I can never tell if my therapist doesn't want to deal with the work or if she really is open to the idea. I spin like you say. Either way, most open minded therapists are "open minded" until you talk about this topic. It feels good for me to talk about it. Preparing for my death.

 

[NoFutureAnymore]

You are right. It would make it easier to discuss all options in life, like getting help or ending it. And if you would choose ending your life it would give you a chance to say goodbye to people around you. It would be less of a surprise for them and would prevent people from doing desperate actions like jumping in front of a train. At the end its your own life and people have to accept how long you want to be in it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide really should be able to be discussed openly without all the stigma surrounding it because of course not wanting to suffer will always be a valid way to feel, we all have our right to die after all.

And it's like many people forget that eventually we will all cease existing by the way that they treat those who wish to voluntarily die. There really is a lack of compassion towards suicidal people in this world which is shown by how suicidal people are treated like criminals when they get locked in psych wards simply for wanting to make a decision in which they have every right to make.

 

[UKscotty]

People don't care. By talking about suicide, we just become a burden people will want to get away from.

No one wants to associate with someone suicidal, sad but the way society is. Those who claim to care are getting paid.

 

[TAW122]

Thanks for sharing that video, it was very relatable and I've been thinking about this recently. It is unfortunate the only place we can speak our minds is anonymously here. There's no gain in being honest to other people, because they will always use it to their advantage. How lonely that makes the world. It's a prisoner's dilemma. If everyone was honest, genuine and respectful everyone would be better off. But people are selfish creatures and will lie even at the cost of dragging everyone else down.

That's true and I'm surprised that there isn't more videos on this topic and people who speak the truth (without censorship and mainstream bullshit) is rare.

Agree, I can never tell if my therapist doesn't want to deal with the work or if she really is open to the idea. I spin like you say. Either way, most open minded therapists are "open minded" until you talk about this topic. It feels good for me to talk about it. Preparing for my death.

Sadly, this is a lot of mental health professionals and people in power, they are "open-minded" until a taboo topic is discussed such as the right to die, euthanasia, suicide, and what not. When someone discusses it, it sets off their red flag assessment alarm, which is sad because like you said, they are open-minded until the forbidden topics are discussed..

You are right. It would make it easier to discuss all options in life, like getting help or ending it. And if you would choose ending your life it would give you a chance to say goodbye to people around you. It would be less of a surprise for them and would prevent people from doing desperate actions like jumping in front of a train. At the end its your own life and people have to accept how long you want to be in it.

Agreed and yes it would be better if that is the case, but sadly it isn't and a lot of unnecessary suffering goes along with it.

Suicide really should be able to be discussed openly without all the stigma surrounding it because of course not wanting to suffer will always be a valid way to feel, we all have our right to die after all.

And it's like many people forget that eventually we will all cease existing by the way that they treat those who wish to voluntarily die. There really is a lack of compassion towards suicidal people in this world which is shown by how suicidal people are treated like criminals when they get locked in psych wards simply for wanting to make a decision in which they have every right to make.

Of course, this world is upside down and messed up. The consequence of this is that suicidal people get desperate and end up taking matters to their own hands in a desperate attempt to escape suffering, and depending on the method, end up resulting in collateral damage. Even sadder is that instead of society addressing the root cause and work towards legalizing and destigmatizing the right to die, voluntary euthanasia, they instead tighten their grip on personal autonomy and civil liberties (at least the people in power and the State).

People don't care. By talking about suicide, we just become a burden people will want to get away from.

No one wants to associate with someone suicidal, sad but the way society is. Those who claim to care are getting paid.

Very true, and even subconsciously, I'm sure a people feel that way, but because they want to be socially acceptable, they feign compassion (rather superficial compassion). With regards to the professionals getting paid, yes I would say a lot of their "acts" are because they are getting paid and even then, a significant amount of those getting paid still are dismissive, but that's another point altogether.