Forthy414
Facing to give up
- Jul 2, 2024
- 7
Neither do I know what to say, I was getting better a while ago.
I got a gf almost four months ago with almost same problems as me, no problem in expressing our suicidal thoughts, but we got better together so at least I didn't think about it more.
Right now, I feel too empty. She's been dry and I know it's because i did something, I just don't know what it was, she always tells me it's nothing, but I still have the feeling and it makes me feel like months ago, where I felt lonely and thought of suicide the whole time.
I've told her. But I fear if we talk about it, it won't be the same.
Being that a relationship was the only light I could see in my life, because everything else feels like shit, I think if i died right now it would be the best solution.
My family keeps fighting and I cannot seem to have any affection towards them.
My friends are way more different than me, and I would cut them off if I didn't fear being more lonely.
Music's been saving me, but right now it just doesn't seem to work.
I can only enjoy fiction media if it fits my mood, but that just doesn't make me get better, in fact I get more motivation to CTB.
I'm objectively unattractive (Same for my girl, that's why we got along) and I feel bad, have gender dysphoria and so much shit in my brain, like I want to be reborn.
Gf also struggles to keep her mind clean from suicidal thoughts, even more than me, and it worries me.
I feel like I'm stuck in the same hole I was months ago, I can't find a hobbie, can't do sports because medical conditions, can't exercise, don't want to get out of the bed, can't sleep, can't shut my brain up, what the fuck am I supposed to do, therapy never works for me, I've been there and in psychology for about three years and I find it absolutely useless.
I just wish to go to sleep and never again wake the fuck up
Maybe I'll then live a life that I want to live, or maybe I won't live anymore in this life I don't want to live. That's it.
I got a gf almost four months ago with almost same problems as me, no problem in expressing our suicidal thoughts, but we got better together so at least I didn't think about it more.
Right now, I feel too empty. She's been dry and I know it's because i did something, I just don't know what it was, she always tells me it's nothing, but I still have the feeling and it makes me feel like months ago, where I felt lonely and thought of suicide the whole time.
I've told her. But I fear if we talk about it, it won't be the same.
Being that a relationship was the only light I could see in my life, because everything else feels like shit, I think if i died right now it would be the best solution.
My family keeps fighting and I cannot seem to have any affection towards them.
My friends are way more different than me, and I would cut them off if I didn't fear being more lonely.
Music's been saving me, but right now it just doesn't seem to work.
I can only enjoy fiction media if it fits my mood, but that just doesn't make me get better, in fact I get more motivation to CTB.
I'm objectively unattractive (Same for my girl, that's why we got along) and I feel bad, have gender dysphoria and so much shit in my brain, like I want to be reborn.
Gf also struggles to keep her mind clean from suicidal thoughts, even more than me, and it worries me.
I feel like I'm stuck in the same hole I was months ago, I can't find a hobbie, can't do sports because medical conditions, can't exercise, don't want to get out of the bed, can't sleep, can't shut my brain up, what the fuck am I supposed to do, therapy never works for me, I've been there and in psychology for about three years and I find it absolutely useless.
I just wish to go to sleep and never again wake the fuck up
Maybe I'll then live a life that I want to live, or maybe I won't live anymore in this life I don't want to live. That's it.
