Venting I hate Christmas

[bubo]

I know I'm late to write this for Christmas but it takes me a long time to gather my thoughts fully, my apologies. But if I don't get this out of my head I feel like I'll implode from pressure.

I used to like Christmas when I was a kid, the magic of it all was amazing. I remember getting so excited to wake up on Christmas morning and run downstairs to open up my presents and maybe get a new stuffed toy or something like that, no matter the gift Christmas was so exciting cuz' the air felt so festive and happy but now that I'm an adult it's just filled with horror and dread. I feel almost 'horrified' during Christmas time, it's another realization that I'm completely alone, that my existence itself does not matter and never will. There's no one to talk to, there's no one to spend Christmas with me. It's just me rotting in bed just like every other day, it's no different, there's no magic, there's no air filled with festivity, and it's almost suffocatingly empty.


I have some people I chat with online, they are also shut-in neets whose fading existence only really is online but even they are busy during the holidays, does that not mean I'm most pathetic? Even people who are akin to me in some way can spend Christmas having fun, they can actually have a good time during Christmas. Does that mean I'm just not trying hard enough? How do i "try"? I don't even know where to begin, I think I'm just of complete none worth. Christmas is horrible.

 

[FuneralCry]

Christmas was just another day to me as well, basically any day which others celebrate is just another day to me of feeling trapped in an existence that I hate and don't wish to endure. But anyway I view Christmas as just being commercialised forced optimism and I bet that many of the people who appear to be enjoying life are likely just pretending as they don't wish to admit their true feelings to others.

 

[Givenuponlife]

For me, it's more that I see christmas as just another day that I outgrew after I became a teenager. Much like birthdays. As someone who fancies themselves as some kind of ascetic, it's just more obligation and ceremony, even if these are fairly modest, which equates to more clutter.

 

[Rocinante]

My reaction when holidays

 

[Zegers]

I'm completely alone, It's just me rotting in bed just like every other day, it's no different, there's no magic, there's no air filled with festivity, and it's almost suffocatingly empty

xmas and summer have become nightmarish for me.