Dysphoria is bad enough, but even with the amount of progress I've made in my transition, I still have to live in a world filled with braindead assholes who go out of their way to treat others like shit.
People tell me that I shouldn't give transphobes the satisfaction of my death, but I'm not gonna exist to give a shit about what horrible people are feeling. I'd rather just get rid of my suffering and let the bad people who hate me for existing stay alive and miserable. After all, it's clear that they're miserable. It takes a really pathetic kind of person to harbor hate toward other people for the way that they were born.
I hate when people put the burden of blame on those in your position that way.
The word "let" especially is overused in this manner. As if reacting to any slight, misery, prejudice, unfair circumstance, abuse is always the victim "letting" it get to them.
In your case "give"…but you are not "giving" these transphobic people their satisfaction, they are giving it to themselves by having nothing else worthwhile to do besides investing in hatred of those who commited no crime besides being reasonably and terribly uncomfortable in bodies that they had absolutely no say in.
You deserve to feel relief and peace with the flesh you reside in, as unfortunately this is what us humans are identified with and what we are stuck with all our lives, to filter ourselves through.
I know sometimes even when physical changes are made..the world will still come down on those who don't conform in the way that makes others happy.
Just today I saw a comment (among many similar ones) about how someone felt overwhelming "dissonance" simply because they couldn't stand that an actor they considered unattractive got the adapted role of a character they
did consider attractive.
Their brain apparently couldn't handle it, they started to project all types of other justifications and assumptions about personality and ability (based solely on how the person appeared) onto their dissatisfaction in order to make their gripes seem more palatable.
I responded and asked them what the fuck type of "dissonance" do they think the actor feels in their own skin, after likely encountering all this horrible commentary.
..And I know it's much of the same for many in your situation.
Other people need to get the fuck over themselves and their inability to digest what isn't even their problem to have to navigate.
I am very sorry that despite your progress in your journey, you are still having to put up with any negative reactions or mistreatment.
That must be incredibly exhausting and defeating.
Do you have any ability to move to an accepting community? If it is all possible, can you set a goal for yourself to do so? If that is not in the cards, you can use reverse psychology and just be so darn nice that it's hard not to like you. People will find a way though. Some people are just hateful.
I think unless you find an impenetrable bubble, no place or community is going to be immune to this type of shit, especially if you ever want to travel or so much as use the internet.
Being overly nice can lead to resentment and bottling up emotions that then lead the person to eventually snap.
It can also give bullies and abusers the wrong impression, that what they're doing is acceptable and that their victim is a doormat who can be walked all over.
Though I can't say that I haven't done what you suggest myself, doesn't end well in my experience. Very very rarely does it actually somehow touch the person being cruel in a way that makes them question their behavior and biases.
And like you said, people still find a way to be shit.
That's humanity for you.
we are going to make it!
