I hate being black

[Pipsqueak!]

Sometimes it feels like from birth I already failed because of my race. Obviously there's a lot of other reasons why I want to kill myself, but sometimes it feels like I was destined to fail.

It feels like whenever I do something to make myself happier it always backfires in my face. I wore my hair natural over the summer because I like it better that way and now all my edges are gone. I have to get all these crazy and painful fucking braids and don't like braiding my hair. And what's even worse is that my fucking mom says that I'm doing it for peer pressure and following all the white people, like she thinks I don't have a mind of fucking my own and that I can't do things for myself. That if I want to change something that mUst MeAN hER WhItE FrieNds sAy sO. She even once started complaining because I "only ever hang out with white people"?

The friends I make have nothing to do with race but for some reason that's the shit she always jumps to whenever anything happens, and it pisses me off. I can't wait to die.

 

[Hfb]

Sometimes it feels like from birth I already failed because of my race. Obviously there's a lot of other reasons why I want to kill myself, but sometimes it feels like I was destined to fail.

It feels like whenever I do something to make myself happier it always backfires in my face. I wore my hair natural over the summer because I like it better that way and now all my edges are gone. I have to get all these crazy and painful fucking braids and don't like braiding my hair. And what's even worse is that my fucking mom says that I'm doing it for peer pressure and following all the white people, like she thinks I don't have a mind of fucking my own and that I can't do things for myself. That if I want to change something that mUst MeAN hER WhItE FrieNds sAy sO. She even once started complaining because I "only ever hang out with white people"?

The friends I make have nothing to do with race but for some reason that's the shit she always jumps to whenever anything happens, and it pisses me off. I can't wait to die.

Hey .. I can't PM you .. but I feel you and I am in a kind of similar situation… if you would like to talk, feel free to pm me :)

 

[@siniy_cat]

I am halfblack and live in germany, where i guess I'm not as affected by some of the social ramifications as maybe someone in America. Eventhough I am not sure if i would want to be white if I could, maybe because i got kind of used to it now, but I sometimes feel a little bit disgusted by my skin color. I don't know why that is the case, because it is not like I was socialized in any kind of racist way, but i still feel dirty sometimes when I look in the mirror. Especially when I am around white people with blonde hair and blue eyes, I get the sense I am not worth as much as they are. Luckily I don't feel like this to often.

 

[HerculePoirot]

Miles Davis once said he 'd like to be white. Someone told him " You are Miles Davis. You are lucky".

 

[Riig]

Sometimes it feels like from birth I already failed because of my race. Obviously there's a lot of other reasons why I want to kill myself, but sometimes it feels like I was destined to fail.

It feels like whenever I do something to make myself happier it always backfires in my face. I wore my hair natural over the summer because I like it better that way and now all my edges are gone. I have to get all these crazy and painful fucking braids and don't like braiding my hair. And what's even worse is that my fucking mom says that I'm doing it for peer pressure and following all the white people, like she thinks I don't have a mind of fucking my own and that I can't do things for myself. That if I want to change something that mUst MeAN hER WhItE FrieNds sAy sO. She even once started complaining because I "only ever hang out with white people"?

The friends I make have nothing to do with race but for some reason that's the shit she always jumps to whenever anything happens, and it pisses me off. I can't wait to die.

Sorry to hear this, its not your fault in the slightest and you shouldnt in any way hate what ethnicity you where born into or what your body is doing on its own accord, you had no control over it and even then, you can still break out of whatever awful situation that was forced onto you even if it takes time. Your Mother seems to project her own insecurities and inner hatred towards you and your Friends through racism, that wont change unless she gets better mentally since i heavily doubt her racism and disparaging attitude towards you came from anything else, although i dont know what kind of Woman she is so i may be just saying nonsense. In the End you can only ignore her until you move out or talk with her about it and tell her what it makes you feel, if all else fails theres CPS and powering through it, in any case i can only give you my condolences for this mess, wish you the best and hope theres someone there for you, your ethnicity doesnt define you and shouldnt be blamed for things outside of your power.

I can only relate though since ive made my own fair share of experiences with people who just love to blame everything you do on the ethnicity of you, your friends or the culture you show interest in, which makes you feel.. very rosy obviously (not). You just gotta love getting slurs thrown your way in some places for simply 'acting ethnic' when you are of that ethnicity, kind of explains why were not very proud people in my Country, especially the youth. My Best Friend for example is Native American and his Family was generally absent and despises us Germans, even though we built up his whole Region, helped the Natives fight against the Spanish and even preserved their Culture but for them were all "White People". Weve gradually started talking and ive shown them that i literally just want my Homie to do well so were on better terms now, and they started to treat him somewhat better aswell as a result from seeing someone else his Age essentially raise him, dear Lord.

At the end of the day we can only do so much, hope you get better.

 

[Worndown]

Is this pressure to be someone other than "you" your reason to be here? Your mother probably has good intentions but is obviously not in touch with eho you are and how you fit into her view of the world.
Can you tell her you really want to go over this with her? In a nice way ask her to explain her views and reasons. Keep everything calm and pleasant. In a way, you take the parent role and ask.
If you are here looking to die, there is little harm that can come from having the conversation.
I hope life gets better for you, both of you.

 

[Neogoloid]

As a black person, I'm honestly tired of black people. If you aren't the thug type that says nigga every 5 seconds and sags his pants and listens to gangster rap and smokes weed all day. You get made fun of. I wish more black people acted more civilized.

 

[livinginhellnation]

Sometimes it feels like from birth I already failed because of my race. Obviously there's a lot of other reasons why I want to kill myself, but sometimes it feels like I was destined to fail.

It feels like whenever I do something to make myself happier it always backfires in my face. I wore my hair natural over the summer because I like it better that way and now all my edges are gone. I have to get all these crazy and painful fucking braids and don't like braiding my hair. And what's even worse is that my fucking mom says that I'm doing it for peer pressure and following all the white people, like she thinks I don't have a mind of fucking my own and that I can't do things for myself. That if I want to change something that mUst MeAN hER WhItE FrieNds sAy sO. She even once started complaining because I "only ever hang out with white people"?

The friends I make have nothing to do with race but for some reason that's the shit she always jumps to whenever anything happens, and it pisses me off. I can't wait to die.

So did the King of Pop…

 

[Hfb]

I am halfblack and live in germany, where i guess I'm not as affected by some of the social ramifications as maybe someone in America. Eventhough I am not sure if i would want to be white if I could, maybe because i got kind of used to it now, but I sometimes feel a little bit disgusted by my skin color. I don't know why that is the case, because it is not like I was socialized in any kind of racist way, but i still feel dirty sometimes when I look in the mirror. Especially when I am around white people with blonde hair and blue eyes, I get the sense I am not worth as much as they are. Luckily I don't feel like this to often.

Hey !! Can you please DM me, I am also half Black an live in Germany… I think we have a lot to share :)

 

[Hfb]

I am halfblack and live in germany, where i guess I'm not as affected by some of the social ramifications as maybe someone in America. Eventhough I am not sure if i would want to be white if I could, maybe because i got kind of used to it now, but I sometimes feel a little bit disgusted by my skin color. I don't know why that is the case, because it is not like I was socialized in any kind of racist way, but i still feel dirty sometimes when I look in the mirror. Especially when I am around white people with blonde hair and blue eyes, I get the sense I am not worth as much as they are. Luckily I don't feel like this to often.

Hey! I am also Half black and live in Germany.. I think we have a lot to talk about :) feel free to dm me :)

 

[@siniy_cat]

Hey! I am also Half black and live in Germany.. I think we have a lot to talk about :) feel free to dm me :)

I can't visit your profile for some reason. But maybe I am not understanding something, since I just joined yesterday. (Edit: I also don't know, if there is a way to dm someone without visiting their profile)

 

[Spiritual survivor]

That's sad that u hate being black. No matter what race u are, u should be proud of it. The black friends I've had in my life have been some of the funniest, down to earth people I've known. They are colorful and full of personality, not boring. Embrace it and be the best u can be. I'm a white woman and even though I was attractive and reasonably intelligent, I still ended up a loser and failed in life. So it doesn't really matter about your race. What matters is just try to be a decent person and treat others the way u want to be treated. U can still succeed in life no matter your race.

 

[Pipsqueak!]

I didn't expect this thread to get so much attention. Thanks for the kind words.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

As a black person, I'm honestly tired of black people. If you aren't the thug type that says nigga every 5 seconds and sags his pants and listens to gangster rap and smokes weed all day. You get made fun of. I wish more black people acted more civilized.

I feel very much the same way. If you don't say the N word, like certain type of music or act or talk a certain way then you aren't doing it right and you get made fun of, it's also the same with me where I'm from, if you are good at English and speak it mainly then that's because you are white or trying to be white or something, there can be no other way but I suppose that's the race in South Africa unfortunately, can't do a thing about it.

I'm sure me even researching seven centuries of samurai history as a simple hobby would be looked down upon which is why I'm not open to discussing what I do because people will try to see if it fits in with their social norm. I guess you have to fit into the what the black identity is otherwise you just get picked on.

 

[iamalreadydead]

Same dude this shit sucks. I was depressed as a kid so i never got into like, "grooming" myself so i wore my hair natural and to this day i often feel disgusted by it because i legit feel like my hair looks like fucking pubes. Obviously i don't mean 4c hair in general is bad, people have beautiful afros and shit that I'm jealous of because for some reason my hair texture in particular is just shit in comparison and i don't know how to care for it

 

[Gonnerr]

My honest opinion on this.; everybody has the same blood. We came from the place, africa if im not mistaken.

Its just a shame that people hate others because of such things as race, religion, etc.

Inside we are ALL the same.

Brothers and sisters.

 

[FlyAwayHoney]

The amount of self hatred in the black community is sad, honestly, and I get where you come from.

Skin color, hair texture, a lot of us deal with that. It is not only internalized hatred though, we hate each other too. We hate each other for acting too ghetto, we hate each other for acting "too white". The music we listen to, or the clothes we wear. It's always something.

I hate to see it.

 

[Hfb]

I can't visit your profile for some reason. But maybe I am not understanding something, since I just joined yesterday. (Edit: I also don't know, if there is a way to dm someone without visiting their profile)

Hmm komisch, dann bist du noch zu neu
:( dann müssen wir noch etwas warten … freue mich aber schon darauf :)

 

[MiMif]

As a black person, I'm honestly tired of black people. If you aren't the thug type that says nigga every 5 seconds and sags his pants and listens to gangster rap and smokes weed all day. You get made fun of. I wish more black people acted more civilized.

Bruh none of the black people I know act like that. The ones that do mostly act like that because of the society they were forced to grow up in that acted like that. You lowkey sounding racist (saying this as a part black person)

 

[justcallmeJ]

Im sorry so many of you feel this way, just know that each human bean is unique, and you should remain unique. There are almost 8 billion people on this earth, everyone is different. Being part of a certain race, religion, gender, sexuality etc doesnt mean you need to follow the stereotypes to fit in. Just do the things you want. There are some emo insta accounts I follow of some non-white people, and they look fucking cool. Thier skin color doesnt matter, its thier personality and the way they express themselves to the world.
Love you all <3

 

[steppenwolf]

Sometimes it feels like from birth I already failed because of my race. Obviously there's a lot of other reasons why I want to kill myself, but sometimes it feels like I was destined to fail.

It feels like whenever I do something to make myself happier it always backfires in my face. I wore my hair natural over the summer because I like it better that way and now all my edges are gone. I have to get all these crazy and painful fucking braids and don't like braiding my hair. And what's even worse is that my fucking mom says that I'm doing it for peer pressure and following all the white people, like she thinks I don't have a mind of fucking my own and that I can't do things for myself. That if I want to change something that mUst MeAN hER WhItE FrieNds sAy sO. She even once started complaining because I "only ever hang out with white people"?

The friends I make have nothing to do with race but for some reason that's the shit she always jumps to whenever anything happens, and it pisses me off. I can't wait to die.

It depends what you call failure. If your hair fails you can always change it. Straighten it, braid it, colour it, shave it all off, wear a wig, whatever. It'll always grow back naturally kinky and black, but so what; most people love that. At least you've still got hair.

Whatever you call failure, the only race it has anything to do with is the human race. This might surprise your mom, or not, but people of all races fail. Successful people of all races fail. Guaranteed. Some more catastrophically than others. And still we all keep buggering on with it. Mostly all.

Sounds to me less like you failed because of your race, than you've been failed because of it. And again, people of all races get failed because of their race. The difference is it's not their failure.

 

[Spectre]

I hate being Black so much. Their are so many negative connotations and exceptions that come along with it it's like living with a constant curse. I don't like the Black community and will never fit in with them. But no one else will ever see me as one of their own and let me in.

 

[IWishToDie]

I am halfblack and live in germany, where i guess I'm not as affected by some of the social ramifications as maybe someone in America. Eventhough I am not sure if i would want to be white if I could, maybe because i got kind of used to it now, but I sometimes feel a little bit disgusted by my skin color. I don't know why that is the case, because it is not like I was socialized in any kind of racist way, but i still feel dirty sometimes when I look in the mirror. Especially when I am around white people with blonde hair and blue eyes, I get the sense I am not worth as much as they are. Luckily I don't feel like this to often.

That's kinda sad. Don't mean to be creepy but black women are beautiful. My ex-girlfriend was Pacific Islander, she looked better than most white girls tbh. Each to their own but everyone has something that makes them beautiful! Best of luck.

 

[@siniy_cat]

That's kinda sad. Don't mean to be creepy but black women are beautiful. My ex-girlfriend was Pacific Islander, she looked better than most white girls tbh. Each to their own but everyone has something that makes them beautiful! Best of luck.

I appreciate that, but I am not a woman

 

[losing hope]

Totally relate to the above comments RE; parents projecting their own insecurities on to their children when they say stuff like "you hang around with too many white kids." Was called a "coconut" by my family as a kid, because I was white on the inside brown on the outside. In reality, I looked beyond people's skin colour, my family couldn't & still can't. Learnt the other day Lookism is a real thing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lookism

Oh & BTW anyone who says forget about your race etc, well you CAN'T because others constantly remind you. For example, I've written a couple of books (one of which is trad published). Well I put my foreign, sounding name on the front cover of the first edition. Didn't sell many copies.

Made one small change, replaced my foreign souinding name with a traditional name, which you might expect an author to sound like (Tom Gerald). And you know what, that one change led to book sales up by more than 4x's.

Welcome to post brexit UK people. Or as I like to call it. Nazi Land.

 

[Anónimo]

Hello. I'm not black and I don't have 'black hair', but my hair is still veeery curly and it is one of (many) reasons why I want to ctb. I was made to feel less when my hair texture changed during puberty. So I can relate to the sentiment. I wish we could reset our brains and kind of accept the genetics we have.

 

[@siniy_cat]

Luckily I don't feel like this to often.

too*

 

[F@#$]

As a black person, I'm honestly tired of black people. If you aren't the thug type that says nigga every 5 seconds and sags his pants and listens to gangster rap and smokes weed all day. You get made fun of. I wish more black people acted more civilized.

I know alot of black people that don't fit the stereotypes.

 

[beelzebul]

Black people are so beautiful, it's wild that this is such a popular (seemingly?) sentiment among y'all.

 

[ScubaCTB]

Same dude this shit sucks. I was depressed as a kid so i never got into like, "grooming" myself so i wore my hair natural and to this day i often feel disgusted by it because i legit feel like my hair looks like fucking pubes. Obviously i don't mean 4c hair in general is bad, people have beautiful afros and shit that I'm jealous of because for some reason my hair texture in particular is just shit in comparison and i don't know how to care for it

What do you mean you "wore your hair natural?" Does that mean never wash it, never comb it, etc.? Black hair needs moisture to have that good texture you speak of. Try the Africa's Best herbal oil at night and the Super Gro in the daytime for a month or so. And brush your hair a lot, and wash it only 3-4 times weekly. I'd guess your texture would improve quite a bit.

@Neogoloid said, "As a black person, I'm honestly tired of black people. If you aren't the thug type that says nigga every 5 seconds and sags his pants and listens to gangster rap and smokes weed all day. You get made fun of. I wish more black people acted more civilized."

I think you watch too much TV and spend too much time on social media. No black people in my real life act like you described. What you described is media-created stereotypes. Black Americans, especially, know that the deck is stacked against them in this world. I'd guess there are lots of black people in these forums. This world drives a lot of people to suicide. But I bet if most normal white people spent a week as a black person in a city, they would be visiting these forums and asking how to get SN immediately after that.

@spiritmoon don't hate yourself solely because you're black. You're already a survivor. I totally understand that the hamster wheel, perpetual psychological, physical and legal manipulation is tough. There's a reason black people have the shortest lifespans in the U.S. If I had made better decisions when I was young, I would be a semi-happy black man with family and friends. But I'm stupid and too old to start all over now. Point is that there are pathways to be at least content and black in this world. It's not easy. But it's possible.