I don't like life
- Oct 15, 2020
So I have a seemingly incurable mood disorder called PMDD. I don't have it in me to kill myself. I don't have it in me to find a job. I don't have it in me to do, well, anything I want to do. All I do is exist. I hate this life, the crushing loneliness, and the fact that every single month, I want to die. And I don't know how to get out of this situation. I feel stuck. I feel very, very stuck. And I can't actually use any of the mental health services that exist because what I really want to do is vent about this ever-present feeling of life not being worth living, but I don't feel safe telling most people about that. I don't want to be sent to a psychiatric hospital against my will or anything like that. People say "help is available" and that's such a lie. It will never cease to amaze me how clueless most people are. As far as I can tell, help is NOT available, or if it is, it requires jumping through hoops that a person with a fucked up brain like mine isn't able to jump through.