What you really hate is that you aren't one of them. Is that more accurate?
Idk man, I saw this really pretty man in my neighborhood hood today, leaving in a fancy car, and I hated him, I hated how he will never know struggle, maybe his parents are absent, maybe his PHD is hard, but he'll never know what it's like to have empty cupboards, or be bullied for being fat, or to wish you could straighten out your teeth but you can't afford it. He's rich and he's beautiful and I can't stand that he exists
Of course I'm generalizing, of course everyone has problems, I don't care, fuck them.
I also happen to know this man through his parents, and I know that he's normal, and that's the worst part, he's straight, and rich, and white, and he grew up being accepted by everyone in his private school, and everyone loves him, and it's infuriating that he has been given the opportunity to live a normal happy life, and more so that he's doing it
Fuck, I'm angry, and I'm directing it at someone who doesn't deserve it. Nothing has made me happy for a while, even the things i normally love doing, and now I feel like I'm rotting. And I'm angry that he's thriving, I'm jealous. And it's not a good look, but I don't want to feel better yet, maybe it's just becuase I'm glad to feel anything, but fuck it feels good to hate