Venting I hate at how I'm forced to do things that I don't want to do

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't want to work, I don't want to study, I don't want to put in any effort at all. I get easily overwhelmed from the slightest amount of stress and pressure and... it's just so exhausting. I don't want to do anything and I thought like this since birth. Why should I be expected to do things anyway when I never asked to be alive in the first place? I don't have the mental strength to do anything and, even if I did, I still would prefer to do nothing. Complete inertia is only possible by death which is why I wish to be dead so much. Only death can free me from my misery caused by me being alive and having to always get overwhelmed at life

 

[iloverachel]

Same
I hate having to wake up and being alive when i all i want is eternal sleep

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, all I've ever wished for is to be permanently unaware, I see no value in suffering in this meaningless existence. Human existence is just a futile, torturous burden to me, it's beyond undesirable, it's disgusting how there's no acceptance towards the fact that many would prefer to be unconscious for all eternity, non-existence is always preferable to me, only death can bring me peace.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I understand, all I've ever wished for is to be permanently unaware, I see no value in suffering in this meaningless existence. Human existence is just a futile, torturous burden to me, it's beyond undesirable, it's disgusting how there's no acceptance towards the fact that many would prefer to be unconscious for all eternity, non-existence is always preferable to me, only death can bring me peace.

I fully agree. You're always so relatable and reading your posts gives me a slight bit of comfort every time but of course the only way I can find true comfort is by being dead. Being eternally unaware and never having to deal with thoughts, emotions, pain, suffering, the chance of life going even worse than it already is and so on is just peaceful. Only death can bring me peace too

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. None of us should be forced to do anything what they don't like to do.

 

[wsx-rt]

I don't want to work, I don't want to study, I don't want to put in any effort at all. I get easily overwhelmed from the slightest amount of stress and pressure and... it's just so exhausting. I don't want to do anything and I thought like this since birth. Why should I be expected to do things anyway when I never asked to be alive in the first place? I don't have the mental strength to do anything and, even if I did, I still would prefer to do nothing. Complete inertia is only possible by death which is why I wish to be dead so much. Only death can free me from my misery caused by me being alive and having to always get overwhelmed at life

If you suffer every day, it is very difficult, enduring suffering and pain, physically and mentally suffering is difficult, I decided for myself that I no longer want torment and suffering, I did not ask to give birth and did not choose this painful life, a person has the right choose to live or die

 

[4am]

i agree, i feel the same way you do. my life is like an unstoppable freight train that keeps on rolling on its own because of its enertia. i'm being pushed into society, and adulthood and shit because i'm just existing, and i don't want any of this

 

[sserafim]

Same. I don't want to do anything. I hate that I'm expected to work for a living and will eventually have to if I don't ctb just because I exist. I never even chose to be born anyways. It happened against my will and without my consent. I hate that I have responsibilities and obligations just because I'm alive. I don't want to work or put in any effort at all. I hate how life is a struggle. It's all pointless anyways

 

[Red Moon]

Yeah I get it, I myself get overwhelmed with certain things, I don't want to do anything because it feels pointless and I don't want to live for much longer.

 

[hopeless08]

Same
I hate having to wake up and being alive when i all i want is eternal sleep

I always looked forward to nighttime cause it's an escape but recently I don't even look forward to that because I'm so terrified of waking up in the morning.
Mornings are the worst

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

I have never wanted to study at school or work in the labor market either. I have never understood society´s demands for time management and long workingdays. The timing of school and work ruined my health. Occupational injuries are common but it is surprising that most people still manage to cope with school and work. I am self-educated for the most part. Humans belong in nature where we should live as hunters and gatherers. Civilization is just a short-lived human invention that will perish.

 

[LaughingGoat]

You may want to read some Jean-Paul Sartre or other existentialists, one of the most impactful ideas of theirs is that you as a person aren't forced to do anything and can choose to live outside the confines of society's expectations if you choose to. Obviously that isn't easy for most of us in reality, but suicide is the ultimate answer to that imo, it's the most concrete form of controlling one's own destiny.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

You may want to read some Jean-Paul Sartre or other existentialists, one of the most impactful ideas of theirs is that you as a person aren't forced to do anything and can choose to live outside the confines of society's expectations if you choose to. Obviously that isn't easy for most of us in reality, but suicide is the ultimate answer to that imo, it's the most concrete form of controlling one's own destiny.

Is suicide really the only way to control one's destiny? I know it's the best way but is it the only way? Aside from suicide, I don't see how else I can avoid participating in society against my will

I have never wanted to study at school or work in the labor market either. I have never understood society´s demands for time management and long workingdays. The timing of school and work ruined my health. Occupational injuries are common but it is surprising that most people still manage to cope with school and work. I am self-educated for the most part. Humans belong in nature where we should live as hunters and gatherers. Civilization is just a short-lived human invention that will perish.

I don't understand how people do well in school either. For my entire life, I basically relied on what little intelligence I had to get through academics but now that I'm in university, I can see that I can no longer rely on intelligence alone and that I have to put in hard work. But the issue is that I don't want to put hard work in at all. I want to be dead so that I don't put any work in and also that I don't suffer. I believe that death is the only solution for me because it's life itself that I want to avoid

 

[thenamingofcats]

I'm like that too, I simply can't do things that most adults can do.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm like that too, I simply can't do things that most adults can do.

I don't understand how adults are able to do it. It actually baffles my mind. Like how...? Compared to me, they have super powers but I don't envy them as much. I envy dead people the most

 

[thenamingofcats]

I don't understand how adults are able to do it. It actually baffles my mind. Like how...? Compared to me, they have super powers but I don't envy them as much. I envy dead people the most

I think that I have serious undiagnosed developmental issues. I used to think that other people were just smarter or more determined or something but it seems unlikely. Especially since they have all this energy to do recreational things after they finish doing the normal adult things. When I found out that people go on mile long hikes or cycle for fun I realized I wasn't playing the same game as those people.

 

[sserafim]

You may want to read some Jean-Paul Sartre or other existentialists, one of the most impactful ideas of theirs is that you as a person aren't forced to do anything and can choose to live outside the confines of society's expectations if you choose to. Obviously that isn't easy for most of us in reality, but suicide is the ultimate answer to that imo, it's the most concrete form of controlling one's own destiny.

You're forced to do things just for survival purposes though. You have to conform to society's expectations to survive. Part of why I want to ctb is to take control of my fate. I want to decide my exit from this world on my own terms. I was brought into existence against my will; it's only fitting that I deserve the freedom to decide when to leave

 

[Anhedonico]

I remember that when I wasn't depressed, working and other "efforts" of life came so easily from inside me.

But now, while I am struggling with depression, I feel exactly the same. I get overwhelmed with the easiest chores of a normal day...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that I have serious undiagnosed developmental issues. I used to think that other people were just smarter or more determined or something but it seems unlikely. Especially since they have all this energy to do recreational things after they finish doing the normal adult things. When I found out that people go on mile long hikes or cycle for fun I realized I wasn't playing the same game as those people.

I'm definitely not playing the same as them either and I honestly never wanted to. All I want is to not play at all. I'll be relieved on the day I never have to play again

 

[TheDruBo]

"I would prefer not to." Indeed.

 

[LaughingGoat]

You're forced to do things just for survival purposes though. You have to conform to society's expectations to survive. Part of why I want to ctb is to take control of my fate. I want to decide my exit from this world on my own terms. I was brought into existence against my will; it's only fitting that I deserve the freedom to decide when to leave

Food, water, air; and one of those functions is autonomous. The rest of society's expectations are not things you are forced to do; I do work with homeless people and that at the core of it is a lot of the reason people hate the homeless, because they don't conform to those expectations. I've seen homeless people refuse to go to shelters or housing, shit in the street, etc. Read some stories on the Greek philosopher Diogenes and that's another example of someone refusing to conform. I do of course agree that each of us has the right to die on our terms, but outside of the getting committed after an attempt, no one is actually forcing us to keep existing (even with that, people aren't committed permanently outside of showing homicidal tendencies so I've seen cases of people re-attempting as soon as their discharged). It's our choice and/or lack of action that we are still here.

 

[tomthemouse1]

I don't want to work, I don't want to study, I don't want to put in any effort at all. I get easily overwhelmed from the slightest amount of stress and pressure and... it's just so exhausting. I don't want to do anything and I thought like this since birth. Why should I be expected to do things anyway when I never asked to be alive in the first place? I don't have the mental strength to do anything and, even if I did, I still would prefer to do nothing. Complete inertia is only possible by death which is why I wish to be dead so much. Only death can free me from my misery caused by me being alive and having to always get overwhelmed at life

I really understand what you are saying and it really hits me deep.

I really believe that this whole life you have no real choice or freedom we are all forced to do something, we are forced to live, drink, eat, study, socialise if you were to stop doing any of that ur body will react and will force you to not stop.

It's really annoying it's feel like we took on a challenge we are not sure that we will overcome.

 

[martinso67]

Food, water, air; and one of those functions is autonomous. The rest of society's expectations are not things you are forced to do; I do work with homeless people and that at the core of it is a lot of the reason people hate the homeless, because they don't conform to those expectations. I've seen homeless people refuse to go to shelters or housing, shit in the street, etc. Read some stories on the Greek philosopher Diogenes and that's another example of someone refusing to conform. I do of course agree that each of us has the right to die on our terms, but outside of the getting committed after an attempt, no one is actually forcing us to keep existing (even with that, people aren't committed permanently outside of showing homicidal tendencies so I've seen cases of people re-attempting as soon as their discharged). It's our choice and/or lack of action that we are still here.

My anxiety stops me from trying again suicide methods that are not the ideal ones like N o SN. I am afraid of failing, which did happen but not being a vegetable. Being vegetable because of failed CTB attempt is the anxiety. I cannot do it really planned like I would do with N or SN.
I prefer the jumping or train method, but they are my backup plan if my common and preferred ones really failed.

I really can't do two battles at one. One with my anxiety that stops me from choosing and trying the best in any method (to end my life). And the other one with society, which limits my CTB methods to very few and riskier methods. The only thing I am good at is copeing with daydreaming and using the internet/cyber world to hide from reality. Which is causing me troubles keeping up with the very basic needs I have to fulfill and do everyday to "survive".

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't understand how adults are able to do it. It actually baffles my mind. Like how...? Compared to me, they have super powers but I don't envy them as much. I envy dead people the most

What the NPCs don't realize is that there is no reason for them to do all that crap anyway. Life is meaningless. We all will die no matter what.

Imo doing Things is Just increasing the probability for extreme pain or suffering to hit , the longer u remain alive to do crap u think u have to do or think you want to do ..

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

Is suicide really the only way to control one's destiny? I know it's the best way but is it the only way? Aside from suicide, I don't see how else I can avoid participating in society against my will

I don't understand how people do well in school either. For my entire life, I basically relied on what little intelligence I had to get through academics but now that I'm in university, I can see that I can no longer rely on intelligence alone and that I have to put in hard work. But the issue is that I don't want to put hard work in at all. I want to be dead so that I don't put any work in and also that I don't suffer. I believe that death is the only solution for me because it's life itself that I want to avoid

Is suicide really the only way to control one's destiny? I know it's the best way but is it the only way? Aside from suicide, I don't see how else I can avoid participating in society against my will

I don't understand how people do well in school either. For my entire life, I basically relied on what little intelligence I had to get through academics but now that I'm in university, I can see that I can no longer rely on intelligence alone and that I have to put in hard work. But the issue is that I don't want to put hard work in at all. I want to be dead so that I don't put any work in and also that I don't suffer. I believe that death is the only solution for me because it's life itself that I want to avoid

It depends on heredity how humans cope in life. Therefore, humanity should make use of breeding. Those who are able to cope with school and work have the genetic predispostion to cope with this. However, no matter how you look at it, these people live in the wrong way because our bodies have not changed much since humans lived in nature.