I guess I'm fucking just not gonna

[expired_dreams]

Today was supposed to be the day.

I just feel.. lost. Empty, even.

Like first of all I guess normies don't just fucking plan their deaths repeatedly but fuck, man..

Does anyone else feel like this?

 

[Timelapse]

I'm the impulsive kind. So I don't plan ahead. But I do think about CTB constantly. No method in mind.

When I feel empty and desperate. I try to end it.

I've had many "the day". Never took.

Always cursed myself when I wake up in the ICU.

If you think you need to escape this hellish existence.... Plan your CTB carefully.

Which is why I was happy to find this site. Now I can plan, find a partner, and die peacefully and not wake up to someone cleaning your genitals.

 

[Iris Blue]

I can relate to you, my past attempts to CTB were pretty impulsive and in the moment but none of them did much or I was caught before the damage could've been done.

These past few months are the first time I'm actually trying to plan ahead and make sure everything goes to that plan. I'm currently still working on my note, writing down things I want to do before I go and figuring out how.

I have a few ideas but I'm still not 100% on any of them. In a way I think constantly obsessing and planning on how I want to CTB has helped me in a comforting way while I wait to put my plan into action.

Of course only thinking about it all the time can be draining and upsetting but it makes me feel like I'm doing something and putting work into something I really want and care about.

I'm sure though if none of this works and all of the hard work and thoughts were for nothing it would be much more painful than if it was all done on the spot. But idk that's just my input.

Sending lots of hugs