Venting I grieve the old me

[voidstar]

I've lost myself years ago, I'm not even sure who I am anymore.
Years ago there was a me that could be happy, that had hope for the future and now all I see is nothing. There's nothing worth living for anymore, the world and climate is going to shit and I can just watch. I don't have hope anymore.
And the worst part is that I've been like this for years, I'll turn 30 next month and thinking back I've been in therapy and sick since I was 7. It never got better. There's just no point, the shit just keeps stacking up and up and up.
My illnesses aren't curable, they're chronic. Even bound to get worse as time goes on. I've stopped taking my medication for it a year ago, hoping it'd speed up the process but all it did was slightly make the symptoms worse.

I've lost myself. I don't want to be here anymore. But there's still the thought of hurting the people I love, yet I want to be 'selfish' enough to just fucking end it. I'm stuck.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that you feel really is understandable, I get that it's dreadful feeling trapped in this existence. But anyway best wishes, it really sounds like you've suffered a lot, existence is just too cruel.