Venting I got no way to help

[KattinKai!]

I have no way to help myself or others. My girlfriend must know I'm a failure among many, just an offspring of my successful family. Some of my members are wealthy, largely respected, and I was stuck in generational trauma full of hitting, yelling, insulting, gaslighting, guilt tripping, and unnecessary comments about my chest. I hate being a girl, I wanna be a boy. But no. I can't be. School was terrible for me. I deserve this all. What if it never even happened? I can't take it anymore, and well I got nothing to kill myself with, and I want to kill myself. I have to kill myself for being such a failure, so I don't have to keep making others suffer, and so that I don't suffer anymore. My life is nothing short but a cruel joke. A mockery.

 

[reki_haibane]

Look, I don't want to give you false hope or pretend I understand every part of what you're going through. I won't say things you didn't ask for. But the point is this: it's not your fault. It never was. It's not the fault of anyone in this forum either — it's the fault of the people who let you down, who made you suffer, who weren't there when you needed them.

Forget their success and their reputation. It's empty. It's meaningless. Comparing yourself to others will only make you hate yourself or turn you into something you don't want to be. You don't know everything about the future, and you don't know what might change.

I genuinely wish you happiness, wherever you find it.
You don't deserve it, I swear to god you don't deserve it.