I got my first wellness check today

[mybodyhurts]

I am a 29 year old woman living with an excruciatingly painful chronic illness. Over the last year, my doctors have recommended various nerve blocks and spine surgeries. But my insurance company denies every. Single. One. They have made it nearly impossible to get even basic procedures.

Suicide has always been comforting in times like these. I always told myself if I ever ran out of options, I could end the suffering by killing myself. My plan has always been SN before it became impossible to buy in the US.

Today, when my insurance called me to say my appeal for a nerve block was denied yet again , I snapped. I told them I was going to kill myself and it would be their fault I'm dead. If I had SN on hand, I would have, but I at least wanted to make them feel a fraction as shitty as they've made me feel over the years jumping through hoop after hoop and still not getting the care I need.

When I came home, my boyfriend told me the police came. He told me that I probably have a note in my patient file that I'm suicidal and mentally unwell now and no doctor will take me seriously. He also told me the neighbors saw the police come. Everyone thinks I'm crazy now, but I'm just so desperate to make the pain stop.

I hope I can follow through on what I told that insurance agent soon.

 

[sourcherry]

:( i dont have anything helpful to add but i hope your suffering will ease soon. i cant imagine how terrible it is.
luigi got it right.

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

I'm so sorry. I have endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, and POTS. I know the absolute burden of having a chronic illness with no cure. I've spent so much money trying to fix it. These insurance companies are fucking evil. I'm so sorry. You're not alone.

 

[Fadenself00]

this world is such a shit show. is your bf at least there for you?

 

[mybodyhurts]

I'm so sorry. I have endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, and POTS. I know the absolute burden of having a chronic illness with no cure. I've spent so much money trying to fix it. These insurance companies are fucking evil. I'm so sorry. You're not alone.

I also have endo, IC, and PFD. Thankfully, they're mostly under control now. But IC pain was some of the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

My vulvodynia pain, on the other hand, hasn't responded to anything.

Being a woman with chronic gynecological issues in the US is a special kind of hell

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

I also have endo, IC, and PFD. Thankfully, they're mostly under control now. But IC pain was some of the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

My vulvodynia pain, on the other hand, hasn't responded to anything.

Being a woman with chronic gynecological issues in the US is a special kind of hell

I have vulvadynia too. God it's awful. Just so much pain :( I hope in our lifetime, we can find a cure for our issues.

 

[bugbugbug]

I am a 29 year old woman living with an excruciatingly painful chronic illness. Over the last year, my doctors have recommended various nerve blocks and spine surgeries. But my insurance company denies every. Single. One. They have made it nearly impossible to get even basic procedures.

Suicide has always been comforting in times like these. I always told myself if I ever ran out of options, I could end the suffering by killing myself. My plan has always been SN before it became impossible to buy in the US.

Today, when my insurance called me to say my appeal for a nerve block was denied yet again , I snapped. I told them I was going to kill myself and it would be their fault I'm dead. If I had SN on hand, I would have, but I at least wanted to make them feel a fraction as shitty as they've made me feel over the years jumping through hoop after hoop and still not getting the care I need.

When I came home, my boyfriend told me the police came. He told me that I probably have a note in my patient file that I'm suicidal and mentally unwell now and no doctor will take me seriously. He also told me the neighbors saw the police come. Everyone thinks I'm crazy now, but I'm just so desperate to make the pain stop.

I hope I can follow through on what I told that insurance agent soon.

I'm honestly really sorry, especially if your boyfriend has implied or outright said that you will not be taken seriously and that people think you're crazy. That is majorly not okay and extremely hurtful on top of everything else you are experiencing

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

btw, if you ever need someone to vent to i'm here. i've never met someone with the same issues as me. my dm's are open if you need an ear to listen <3

 

[mybodyhurts]

this world is such a shit show. is your bf at least there for you?

Yes, he's great. But he's actually a psychologist who specializes in pain himself, so I feel weird talking about these things with him

I'm honestly really sorry, especially if your boyfriend has implied or outright said that you will not be taken seriously and that people think you're crazy. That is majorly not okay and extremely hurtful on top of everything else you are experiencing

he didn't mean for it to be hurtful, he's just concerned because I struggle to get doctors to take my pain seriously as it is.

btw, if you ever need someone to vent to i'm here. i've never met someone with the same issues as me. my dm's are open if you need an ear to listen <3

btw, if you ever need someone to vent to i'm here. i've never met someone with the same issues as me. my dm's are open if you need an ear to listen <3

I just sent you a DM <3

 

[madwoman]

I'm so sorry :/ insurances are hell to deal with. It still makes me sick that my dad's scan got denied and it could have found his growing cancer and maybe he could have gotten treated sooner before it was too late. Wish I could take your pain away

 

[joey2424]

Your response is totally justified and I'm sorry that the health care/insurance system is failing you in this way. It's not fair.

I'm not actually sure how transparent/universal that kind of charting is? I know you said your bf works in the space, but can doctors see what an insurance company notes about you??

Also in regard to the cops - even if people saw them they have NO IDEA what they were there for. They probably assumed you were reporting a crime etc since it would have been such a casual/calm visit.

 

[CaramelAppleStars]

I'm so sorry about this. It never ceases to amaze me how governments will outlaw painless and accessible suicide, while simultaneously leaving their citizens to deal with this capitalistic dystopia.

 

[wine is fine but]

Today, when my insurance called me to say my appeal for a nerve block was denied yet again

so they have driven you to the brink of despair, yet they are still not satisfied with their handiwork
they still felt the need to squeal on you, for letting them know what they have done to you - pure scum