My boss berated me and called me an idiot because I drank redbull (while running) inside the factory, and also told me my mistake was completely unacceptable. When he called me to his office and chewed me out, i didnt feel anything, no anger over being called an idiot (hell, i even agree with him, because the rules are clearly written on the front of the factory), no anxiety over being potentially fired, no nothing.
I'm not mad and I admit I made a pretty big mistake (it could result in an accident and damage the goods inside), but the thing I wanna talk about is that when you hit rock bottom in life, nothing seems to phase you anymore lol. Like even after he chewed me out, I asked him to teach me how to do shit lol, and he obliged without being pissy.
Hell, even today he joked about the incident and laughed with me when i clocked off.
I can relate some. I started a new job in ltc pharmacy beginning of September. I tried ctb beginning of June and my mind has pretty much accepted that I hit rock bottom (maybe, there was a time before in my life when I thought I hit rock bottom, but surprise surprise sometimes the bottom isn't actually the bottom lol).
But I have an uncanny drive when I work. I'm able to get in OT on the daily and my role has already transitioned to be primarily inventory related. But I still get involved in workflow due to staffing shortage. But I tackle my tasks and keep learning more things... because why not, if I have the opportunity to. When I work, I don't do it for the company or my boss, even though of course ultimately that's who I report to. Instead I work hard and tackle things primarily for me.
Honestly, most of the workplaces I've been in have been shit. Maybe generally speaking on the whole, workplaces tend to be shit regardless of industry or field.
But going into a place, working for a couple months, maybe a couple years, getting burnt out because of corporate vs worker disconnect, then moving on to another place, well I'm tired of that cycle now. That's been done over and now it's boring. The same energy and non-complacency I had towards my existence, that drove me to make the ultimate change of trying to remove myself from life, the core of that drive I can also express in my work.
Mountain of stuff in front of me? Pay the OT and I'll get it done. Why? Because I don't want to look at it, it doesn't overwhelm me, it doesn't stress me out, it's just in my way from doing other things I want to work on, so let me get it done because nobody else has done it. Everybody else? Same old same old "why isn't this getting done, why is this still happening, who's working on this, blah blah blah."
Arguing with coworkers rehashing the same shit is a waste of time that could be better spent just getting the work done. When death itself has kind of already been dealt with in my experience, then all of life is a joke by comparison. Really, work is going to defeat me after all the other shit that's happened? Nice try, but I don't think so.
Sorry lol, rant over
