Venting I got broken up with again

[ThatStateOfMind]

I just need to get this out to someone.

I got broken up with again tonight. Most people who know me know that's the reason I was originally here. I've popped in periodically but took a break for a bit once I got into a relationship again. It just ended, partly due to my poor emotional regulation.

Now I'm contemplating CTB again passively (for now at least). I hurt very badly right now, and I'm certainly in no good mental space right now. I keep thinking about how I can't afford to live on my own. My expenses are high, most if not all college students near me have acquired accommodations for the semester. I'm also currently unemployed (I left my job prior to this semester starting), and I thought I would be fine because I had my partner splitting costs with me. It pains me that I might even have to give up my cat, because she's another expense I'm unsure I can afford.

Anyways, tonight, she left me, over text no less. I'm avoiding drinking tonight, which I'm proud of myself for. But now I'm going to probably rot a lot tomorrow, but I still have homework and quizzes to do tomorrow so I can't do that forever.

Sorry if this is all disjointed, I'm just bleeding onto the paper, so to speak. It's so crazy how one of the best things can happen (I get an internship) followed by heartbreak. Anyways, goodnight, I might periodically update this, and use it as a single venting page. I think it will certainly be updated on Valentine's Day.

 

[briardweller]

I just need to get this out to someone.

I got broken up with again tonight. Most people who know me know that's the reason I was originally here. I've popped in periodically but took a break for a bit once I got into a relationship again. It just ended, partly due to my poor emotional regulation.

Now I'm contemplating CTB again passively (for now at least). I hurt very badly right now, and I'm certainly in no good mental space right now. I keep thinking about how I can't afford to live on my own. My expenses are high, most if not all college students near me have acquired accommodations for the semester. I'm also currently unemployed (I left my job prior to this semester starting), and I thought I would be fine because I had my partner splitting costs with me. It pains me that I might even have to give up my cat, because she's another expense I'm unsure I can afford.

Anyways, tonight, she left me, over text no less. I'm avoiding drinking tonight, which I'm proud of myself for. But now I'm going to probably rot a lot tomorrow, but I still have homework and quizzes to do tomorrow so I can't do that forever.

Sorry if this is all disjointed, I'm just bleeding onto the paper, so to speak. It's so crazy how one of the best things can happen (I get an internship) followed by heartbreak. Anyways, goodnight, I might periodically update this, and use it as a single venting page. I think it will certainly be updated on Valentine's Day.

I feel for you man hopefully things get better

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I feel for you man hopefully things get better

Thank you, I hope for things to get better for me too. I just feel so lost right now. My mom surprised me and brought me some food for my cat, a stuffed animal, and some chocolates, which was fairly heartwarming and made me feel a little better.

 

[briardweller]

Thank you, I hope for things to get better for me too. I just feel so lost right now. My mom surprised me and brought me some food for my cat, a stuffed animal, and some chocolates, which was fairly heartwarming and made me feel a little better.

I'm glad you're doing better. I know how awful that shit feels over all. It's a dreadful feeling. I always ended up getting dumped just before Valentine's day. Now I'm in a relationship with someone that makes me feel like I'm worthless, but I don't have anyone so I don't want to leave her. And that's the thing, it costs so much just to be able to live on your own (especially for someone like me with no skills or education). I feel trapped.

It's good that you have some level of support system. I genuinely hope that things improve for you and us all here.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm glad you're doing better. I know how awful that shit feels over all. It's a dreadful feeling. I always ended up getting dumped just before Valentine's day. Now I'm in a relationship with someone that makes me feel like I'm worthless, but I don't have anyone so I don't want to leave her. And that's the thing, it costs so much just to be able to live on your own (especially for someone like me with no skills or education). I feel trapped.

It's good that you have some level of support system. I genuinely hope that things improve for you and us all here.

Thank you, I just have to keep my chin up and keep chugging to the summer. If I can do that, I might just make it through this. It still feels pretty bad being dumped so close to Valentine's Day, but at least it wasn't after, I had a pretty expensive gift coming that I luckily had time to cancel before it shipped.

As for your situation, I'm sorry. That sounds awful. There were times in my relationship where I felt worthless but it wasn't a constant. When I did have issues, I never wanted to bring them up because I felt I needed her financially. Turns out I didn't after crunching numbers, though I had to really tighten my budget. Point is, I definitely understand that feeling. This economy is shitty and it's hard for two people to make ends meet, let alone one.

My support system, albeit limited, is a significant factor in me still being alive. I hope things shift for you in a better direction. Maybe you can find someone who makes you feel valued and loved, rather than worthless. We both deserve the best life has to offer. :)

 

[callmeskin]

I just need to get this out to someone.

I got broken up with again tonight. Most people who know me know that's the reason I was originally here. I've popped in periodically but took a break for a bit once I got into a relationship again. It just ended, partly due to my poor emotional regulation.

Now I'm contemplating CTB again passively (for now at least). I hurt very badly right now, and I'm certainly in no good mental space right now. I keep thinking about how I can't afford to live on my own. My expenses are high, most if not all college students near me have acquired accommodations for the semester. I'm also currently unemployed (I left my job prior to this semester starting), and I thought I would be fine because I had my partner splitting costs with me. It pains me that I might even have to give up my cat, because she's another expense I'm unsure I can afford.

Anyways, tonight, she left me, over text no less. I'm avoiding drinking tonight, which I'm proud of myself for. But now I'm going to probably rot a lot tomorrow, but I still have homework and quizzes to do tomorrow so I can't do that forever.

Sorry if this is all disjointed, I'm just bleeding onto the paper, so to speak. It's so crazy how one of the best things can happen (I get an internship) followed by heartbreak. Anyways, goodnight, I might periodically update this, and use it as a single venting page. I think it will certainly be updated on Valentine's Day.

Keep ur head up king/queen. The feeling will pass.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Keep ur head up king/queen. The feeling will pass.

Thank you, it's particularly rough today, on Valentine's Day. There's constant reminders of what I lost so I'm staying inside for basically all of today.

 

[Bruce]

Again? Well if you tried getting into a relationship again then maybe leaving one doesn't hurt that much. Good for you!

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Again? Well if you tried getting into a relationship again then maybe leaving one doesn't hurt that much. Good for you!

I'm confused by what you mean?

 

[Bruce]

I'm confused by what you mean?

People go in, and out of relationships. Again, and again, and again.. Everyone does it. All the time. When relationships end they say it hurts and yet they do it again, and again, and again. They go in, and out, in, and out, in, and out. If it would actually hurt you wouldn't do it. Couldn't, do it! If you cared, if you loved the pain is extreme and long lasting, probably forever lasting. I know. I know the pain. You can't function with that pain. You can't start a new relationship as long as you feel that pain. People saying things like "Don't worry, it will pass!" didn't love. Never did. Probably never will.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Hang in there

You never thought a reconciliation would even be possible in the first place with your original ex. All kinds of things can happen, good or bad, that we don't anticipate but as you have worked on developing your own life independent of anyone else, you've gained a lot of resilience to the vicissitudes of life, more than you ever thought you would.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

People go in, and out of relationships. Again, and again, and again.. Everyone does it. All the time. When relationships end they say it hurts and yet they do it again, and again, and again. They go in, and out, in, and out, in, and out. If it would actually hurt you wouldn't do it. Couldn't, do it! If you cared, if you loved the pain is extreme and long lasting, probably forever lasting. I know. I know the pain. You can't function with that pain. You can't start a new relationship as long as you feel that pain. People saying things like "Don't worry, it will pass!" didn't love. Never did. Probably never will.

I don't know if you realize, but I'm gutted by this breakup. It's fresh, raw, can't-function pain right now.

But I also don't subscribe to notion that true love = lifelong paralysis. Some of us feel it this deeply, and still choose to let the wheel of life keep spinning. Amor fati.

I'll feel the pain and keep going.

Hang in there

You never thought a reconciliation would even be possible in the first place with your original ex. All kinds of things can happen, good or bad, that we don't anticipate but you as have worked on developing your own life independent of anyone else, you've gained a lot of resilience to the vicissitudes of life, more than you ever thought you would.

I almost didn't recognize you at first. The name change caught me off guard but I recognized the profile picture.

This means a great deal coming from you. It's strange how quickly the longer arc tends to vanish when the present moment feels so visceral. You're right, there was a time I couldn't imagine reconciliation being possible, and yet life unfolded differently. I suppose tha cuts both ways.

It's still raw, but when I zoom out, I can see that I'm not the same person I was back then. I've built more of a life of my own. I've developed a steadier footing, even if it doesn't feel like it today.

Learning how to be alone and happy without collapsing, that may be the real work ahead. But if I'm here to live it, I might as well try to embrace it fully.

I appreciate you reminding me of that. It means more than you probably realize.