Venting I get so upset when people want to ctb over love

[cvury]

To me... saying you want to kill yourself just because you never had sex or kissed a girl at 19 is way worse than wanting to kill yourself because your relationship is falling apart, and the only person who loved you is leaving. Being a "kissless virgin" shouldn't be the sole reason you want to commit suicide.

You don't know what it's like to have no one, to go to sleep alone with no one to hold at night. Alone with nothing. I cry and nobody cares. I just want a girlfriend to care and love me. I missed the prime of my life, i never got a gf in high school now my life is over since idk where to even meet people. It's so hard.

why do these posts seem like a competition about who's suffering the most, who's grieving the most
anyone can ctb, anyone can have suicide fantasies and depression because we're all different, we all have different experiences and no one, absolutely no one really knows what we go through day by day. so instead of getting angry at other suicidal people and comparing your situation and explaining why your situation is worse, maybe you should understand that their pain is valid and they're masking something deeper, maybe they broke up from an abusive relationship, maybe their partner was all they had in life, maybe they don't feel happiness outside of their relationship, maybe it was the last straw in an already horrible life.

Yeah I was so mad when I posted this at the time, I wasn't thinking rationally.

 

[uchuunekoko]

I suppose it boils down to: "is it worse to have nothing in the first place, or to have everything (or something precious) and lose it?" In my experience, I wish I never had a romantic relationship in the first place. Until that point, I was acclimated enough with being lonely forever to where I could bare with it on a daily basis. The crushing pains of never experiencing love wasn't nearly as bad as going through heartbreak and trying to make it work again. The latter ends up breaking you down even further as a person.

Deep down I was always apathetic and inhuman, but I didn't "feel" it (or was aware of it) until I lost the only person that, I felt like, cared about me. It's that old tale of losing your innocence and having that veil of ignorance lifted, but I digress.

I never had any friends or close relationships until that one person. Of course it varies from person to person, but going through all of that has made me realize that, even if I had that love again, I would still be the same unhappy and apathetic person.

 

[sanctionedusage]

idk id rather have never been in a relationship than be with someone who dragged and stretched my emotions all around so i end up seeing them as so central to my world, that without them, i'd kill myself

at least without this kind of dependency or abuse, youd be killing yourself with a clear head and a concrete, sound reason. the people who die from love or betrayal don't even make any sense when they explain 'why,' but they're so deep in their pain that it doesn't matter.

theyre both ass. everything sucks. a breakup isn't the worst experience documented in the world, but your problems also sound completely spoiled and irrelevant to someone who's housebound and chronically ill and doesn't live off other people's validations. you shouldn't be feeling much other than pity or sorrow for the person who kills themself for such a "non problem," not anger.

 

[cvury]

idk id rather have never been in a relationship than be with someone who dragged and stretched my emotions all around so i end up seeing them as so central to my world, that without them, i'd kill myself

at least without this kind of dependency or abuse, youd be killing yourself with a clear head and a concrete, sound reason. the people who die from love or betrayal don't even make any sense when they explain 'why,' but they're so deep in their pain that it doesn't matter.

theyre both ass. everything sucks. a breakup isn't the worst experience documented in the world, but your problems also sound completely spoiled and irrelevant to someone who's housebound and chronically ill and doesn't live off other people's validations. you shouldn't be feeling much other than pity or sorrow for the person who kills themself for such a "non problem," not anger.

Reading the comments gives new insights, I read them all. I understand now, especially a user who said his wife took the kids and he lost literally everything.

 

[sanctionedusage]

especially a user who said his wife took the kids and he lost literally everything.

damn!!

 

[JesiBel]

Love is a very strong and devastating feeling. Especially if you are a very attached person (like me).

When a relationship ends or a loved one walks away or leaves this world, life becomes an immense void.

So I can completely understand those who think it's all over when the person who was our reason for being leaves us.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Love is a very strong and devastating feeling. Especially if you are a very attached person (like me).

When a relationship ends or a loved one walks away or leaves this world, life becomes an immense void.

So I can completely understand those who think it's all over when the person who was our reason for being leaves us.

This exactly.

Reading the comments gives new insights, I read them all.

I'm glad you are gaining new insights OP, and I hope you will have time to find and experience love. I'm one of the ones you get angry with but hope my story may give you a reason to believe in the power of love, or at least that it counts for more insight.

I don't see how the prime of our lives can be in school years, and I hated school so much I isolated myself socially from everyone afterwards for almost 10 years. At 19 I was all alone, but it was better than being with anyone. I found my first real boyfriend at about 29, we lived together for three years, very good person but it didn't last as I was not ready/open to real love. The next one I was about 35, another three years, we didn't live together thankfully as he treated me like crap and sadly, I allowed it.

Three years ago, at 46 I met the most amazing person who became my world. He taught me what love really is and broke down walls I had built around me for whatever reasons since childhood. For the first time I realised that love is a two-way street, not only about giving, but also about receiving and accepting, trusting another person with your whole being. It changes everything, but I understood this just a little too late. He left last year, my world collapsed and I ended up here. I am very grateful as you say, to have experienced this love because if not, would've died alone and unhappy, not even knowing what love was about. But this love can also break a person, because it's like a physical ripping out and tearing apart of what was once joined, and nothing is left inside. I'm still here now, because I'm holding onto a tiny thread of hope that our story is not yet over.

Anyways, we all have different stories. I hope you will find love a lot sooner than it found me, and I wish you all the best

 

[gomikasu]

Honestly not ever experiencing love is a lot better than one sided feelings where you're only being used, but hey the grass is always greener.

 

[marksofdespair]

You don't know what it's like to have no one, to go to sleep alone with no one to hold at night. Alone with nothing. I cry and nobody cares. I just want a girlfriend to care and love me. I missed the prime of my life, i never got a gf in high school now my life is over since idk where to even meet people. It's so hard.

I get not feeling loved and feeling alone :| that's for sure a reason to wanna end it all, but that's not what I was referring to. I said in my comment being a "kissless virign" isn't a reason to commit, because virginity doesn't even really matter at all. I've seen so many posts on the r/suicidewatch sub on reddit (prior to finding this site) of people saying they wanted to end their lives because they were virgins in their 20s. virginity is a stupid made up concept by humans, and I sure hope nobody would want to kill themselves over that.... I only said that because in your post you said "I am 19 years old and still a virgin, never even held hands or kissed a girl once."

 

[cvury]

I get not feeling loved and feeling alone :| that's for sure a reason to wanna end it all, but that's not what I was referring to. I said in my comment being a "kissless virign" isn't a reason to commit, because virginity doesn't even really matter at all. I've seen so many posts on the r/suicidewatch sub on reddit (prior to finding this site) of people saying they wanted to end their lives because they were virgins in their 20s. virginity is a stupid made up concept by humans, and I sure hope nobody would want to kill themselves over that.... I only said that because in your post you said "I am 19 years old and still a virgin, never even held hands or kissed a girl once."

Being a virgin is important and embarrassing, it hurts watching all my friends have girlfriends and have sex while I am not included in any of that. I want to know what it's like to have sex with someone you love.