Venting I fucking hate BPD

[gvmi]

I fucking hate BPD. I hate being BPD. It makes relationships meaningless, it makes connections futile and fragile. I wish I didn't have to live with this awful disorder. I wish I could just get rid of it. I wish I wasn't this awful of a person for literally no reason. I wish it went away, seriously. I just want to feel love again without it being attached to pain thanks to my brain. I know it doesn't control me, but I can't control it. I'm done. I'm absolutely done with it.

 

[merciful]

BPD/schizoaffective myself… the emotional pain this disorder places on the people who have it is unbearable. it always feels so stupid too, especially when you're self aware. you look at things and see them from a rational perspective but can never seem to act rationally. BPD is hell. i hate the stigma people have given it and the jokes that are made regarding it. i'm sorry you're suffering this way OP. you aren't alone in it. i'm sorry you're forced to bear the curse of a relentless and insatiable demon in your head such as BPD.. it can be so, so exhausting. i wish i had good advice for you, but unfortunately all i can give you is my support and understanding.

 

[ChainedCrow]

im reacting to it as someone without bpd but i had a deep connection with someone with bdp. I cant give any advice than being truthfull of your beheaviours to others so they understand it and work with it. I personally wish that my relationship with that person worked but unfortunetly i didnt know her trueself and why she lies and how to work with it. All i can give of a advice is being truthfull of things u understand and seeking professional help with it. U can absolutly be loved/have friendships u just have to let people of what person u are and if they cant be there for u they are not worth of being with you. There are absolutly people who will like u/love u no matter how much of a horrible person u think u are. Much love and hope it gets better

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I fucking hate BPD. I hate being BPD. It makes relationships meaningless, it makes connections futile and fragile. I wish I didn't have to live with this awful disorder. I wish I could just get rid of it. I wish I wasn't this awful of a person for literally no reason. I wish it went away, seriously. I just want to feel love again without it being attached to pain thanks to my brain. I know it doesn't control me, but I can't control it. I'm done. I'm absolutely done with it.

This is so relatable. Bpd is like a very painful chronic illness, except it's an illness of the mind. You're not an awful person, you're just suffering. And you need to be loved and supported like any suffering person would. I'm so sorry you have to suffer so much, us borderlines honestly deserve the most peace. I hope you're able to better your situation.

 

[gvmi]

This is so relatable. Bpd is like a very painful chronic illness, except it's an illness of the mind. You're not an awful person, you're just suffering. And you need to be loved and supported like any suffering person would. I'm so sorry you have to suffer so much, us borderlines honestly deserve the most peace. I hope you're able to better your situation.

At least the person I'm in love with atm has been so understanding about it, we've read together all the symptoms, what splitting it, how it makes me feel, and she honestly makes me feel like home. I've always felt like a fallen angel, and now I feel like someone isn't making fun of my broken halo. I'm so glad to have her.

im reacting to it as someone without bpd but i had a deep connection with someone with bdp. I cant give any advice than being truthfull of your beheaviours to others so they understand it and work with it. I personally wish that my relationship with that person worked but unfortunetly i didnt know her trueself and why she lies and how to work with it. All i can give of a advice is being truthfull of things u understand and seeking professional help with it. U can absolutly be loved/have friendships u just have to let people of what person u are and if they cant be there for u they are not worth of being with you. There are absolutly people who will like u/love u no matter how much of a horrible person u think u are. Much love and hope it gets better

I fucked up my quote on the last reply but look at it, this is working well so far, she's more than understanding and welcoming and I always have a shoulder to cry on when this disorder fucks me up. I'm scared I'll hurt her, but she knows me and my illness, I feel like she'd forgive me or just stop me if I tried pushing her away. Thanks so much for your kind words.

 

[gvmi]

I found this while reading a book on it. This is fucked up, the fact that it actually changes your brain chemistry.

This is horrible, I can't stop crying, I just want it to all stop suddenly. Ahg, I think I'm going to get drunk tonight.

 

[ringo99]

BPD/possible autist here. I know precisely how you feel. I have literally ZERO friends in life. Lost touch with everyone I know from school and college. No real desire to reconnect or make new ones. Just a few cousins that I barely ever see. In my late 30s and single and I'm staying that way (single that is, lol) since I have absolutely no interest to start a relationship with someone. I just know I'll screw it up and end up with alimony payments that'll destroy what little financial stability I have. Sure, I interact with some people from work but they're colleagues not friends. The second I leave this company, it'll be like we never existed.

 

[eggsausagerice]

View attachment 170578

I found this while reading a book on it. This is fucked up, the fact that it actually changes your brain chemistry.

jesus christ this is exactly how i feel. i hate being myself. normal people don't feel like this. everyone i know tells me to recognize that people still care about me even when they're away from me. i think i'd rather kill myself than keep feeling insane. i don't want to melt away anymore.