gluttony
Angel my beloved
- Aug 28, 2023
- 12
a few hours ago she blocked me, we were fighting because I asked her friend if she can give her a book she liked. We broke up October 2023 and even though we only started dating September 2023, we've been very close since 2019. she was there for me when I tried CTB using pills in 2021. We both share a lot with each other, her trauma and mine. She was the only one that could make me feel calm. I love her so much. The past few weeks have been really hard for me, I have BPD and everyday the pain of breaking up still hurts as much. Ever since the break up I've lost all confidence in myself. It made me hate myself and I was a pretty positive guy. I'm happy she's happier without me. It's just that I wanted her to at least feel bad for hurting me. Throughout the rest of October through December I tried reaching out to her when I was feeling like shit and she didn't care anymore. Before she blocked me she said that it's up to me, that I've already promised her to not CTB. She said to never meet her again because what right do I have meeting her. I fucked it up so bad. She was my only friend and I fucked it up because I wanted to date her. I thought I could help her get better but I've only hurt her. I've been trying CTB using the Night Night method with tissues and a belt but it doesn't seem like it'll work. I hate that dying is hard.