Venting I found a lump in my neck, I hope it’s csncer

[l1ablemistakes]

Last night I was stretching my neck and noticed a little twinge on the left hand side, it felt like a knot in the muscle almost. I went to go massage it out and immediately noticed a hard mass, maybe about 1cm by 1cm. I couldn't massage it out. I asked my partner and he said he could feel it too, and that it was even visible. I know it's probably just a swollen lymph node but god part of me hopes something will just take me out so I don't have to do it. I have an appointment tomorrow to get a referral for a scan. If it is cancer and this is a lymph node, then it's likely not the primary mass which makes death even more likely. I know cancer is a horrible way to go but I don't mind if it means my family and friends dont have to blame themselves for my suicide.

 

[CosmicError]

i actually have one on my right side too but its soft and not visible i can move it who knows what it is all i know is i will be long dead before i find out tho lol.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I had a nearly 2cm lump on the back of my neck, which turned out to be a lymph node, according to both the doctor (who suspected it was but wanted to have an ultrasound confirm) and the ultrasound technician (who also scanned the wider neck region just in case).

Side note:

I saw the ultrasound screen only for a bit (as well as some annotations), and didn't get to see the full 50MB video (when the technician exited the menu the size of my scan showed). Cool dark mode UI.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I can't tell you how to feel, but I've been through two cancer scares and been suicidal my whole life. I'll just say that once symptoms, scans, etc start, your reaction may surprise you.

When I was having unexplained and severe symptoms (dramatic weight loss, sleeping all the time, bone pain, and a mysterious mass) and when I was scheduled for my first ultrasound...all is a sudden, I wanted a long life and I was convinced that I was going to work full time and get straight As all while doing chemo and radiation. Laughable, I know, but call it an adrenaline rush.

Again, you may have a totally different reaction. I'm just sharing the observation that we can be unpredictable when death is staring us in the face.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I can't tell you how to feel, but I've been through two cancer scares and been suicidal my whole life. I'll just say that once symptoms, scans, etc start, your reaction may surprise you.

When I was having unexplained and severe symptoms (dramatic weight loss, sleeping all the time, bone pain, and a mysterious mass) and when I was scheduled for my first ultrasound...all is a sudden, I wanted a long life and I was convinced that I was going to work full time and get straight As all while doing chemo and radiation. Laughable, I know, but call it an adrenaline rush.

Again, you may have a totally different reaction. I'm just sharing the observation that we can be unpredictable when death is staring us in the face.

I've never had a cancer scare per se but I've had several health scares. I had a lot of super scary symptoms like passing out constantly, being unable to sleep, losing a bunch of weight, it turned out to just be a thyroid disorder and I had a thyroidectomy at age 13. For some reason I denied radiation on the off chance I'd want kids. Nearly 10 years later I haven't changed my mind. I was suicidal by this point already and I wished it was something worse so I could die of something seemingly preventable. After I had my thyroid removed I stopped taking my medication for months at a time, several times, in hope I'd have some kind of sudden cardiac event.

That was the major scare but there have been a few small ones. I had bloods come back with an inflamed pancreas once, had a bunch of scans which all came back normal. This was around the time I had a positive fecal blood test (aka blood in stools) and a colonoscopy that showed chronic widespread inflammation. Then a few years later I started having really bad period-related symptoms and was diagnosed with endometriosis, which was what had caused the pancreas and GI symptoms since it was everywhere. I never really thought I had something bad but I still wished I did.

I kind of hoped this would be it. But just another lymph node. Probably due to an infection. I have dermatillomania. One day I'll be lucky, maybe..