I forgot how to live

[Snake of Eden]

I spend my days on the phone mostly scrolling this forum. I am embarrassed by what I have become. I dont know how to talk to people anymore not even family members who live in the house with me. I dont know how to get out of this. I have no life at all and nothing interest me. Everything outside triggers me into more misery. I cant deal with any interaction and even the most trivial thing that i hear from anybody makes me want to run away and cover my ears. Can I ever recover from this? ctb looks like my only option to exit from this no life. But I really dont want to die. I am really terrified of the world and hopeless.

 

[BottomlessPit]

I closed myself off from the outside world, and the result was the gradual erosion of my personality. All that's left now is my ever increasing neuroticism. I spend my days vegetating in a half-dazed state, lost in unhinged fantasies and self-indulgent daydreams. Most actual social interaction, no matter how minor, is a potential cause for nerve-wrecking ruminations later on.
It is so strange that no one noticed my rotting interior over the years.

I'm afraid I can't help you with recovery.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I closed myself off from the outside world, and the result was the gradual erosion of my personality. All that's left now is my ever increasing neuroticism. I spend my days vegetating in a half-dazed state, lost in unhinged fantasies and self-indulgent daydreams. Most actual social interaction, no matter how minor, is a potential cause for nerve-wrecking ruminations later on.
It is so strange that no one noticed my rotting interior over the years.

I'm afraid I can't help you with recovery.

This is exactly what is happening to me aside from indulging in fantasies as I have nothing much to think about. I wonder if I will have a nervous break down of some sorts as a result of being a vegetable. I got too comfortable to get out of my bubble. I am truly terrified of living like this to no end

 

[BottomlessPit]

This is exactly what is happening to me aside from indulging in fantasies as I have nothing much to think about. I wonder if I will have a nervous break down of some sorts as a result of being a vegetable. I got too comfortable to get out of my bubble. I am truly terrified of living like this to no end

We are not functioning normally, so one might say that we are already having a long and continuous mental breakdown.

And yeah, getting out of one's comfort zone while finding ways to overcome certain psychological barriers sounds nice on paper. But it always seemed like I was in a prison with four transparent walls; I could see the outside, but couldn't get there, no matter what I did.

I personally have no interest in therapy or drugs, but if you are motivated to get out of this hole then you might consider that.

 

[Snake of Eden]

We are not functioning normally, so one might say that we are already having a long and continuous mental breakdown.

And yeah, getting out of one's comfort zone while finding ways to overcome certain psychological barriers sounds nice on paper. But it always seemed like I was in a prison with four transparent walls; I could see the outside, but couldn't get there, no matter what I did.

I personally have no interest in therapy or drugs, but if you are motivated to get out of this hole then you might consider that.

That sounds so right. It is really exactly how i feel. I too have tried therapy and drugs but it got me nowhere. I think i will have to just be content with the idea that i will always be like this. It is no way to live but it maybe the only way for me. I would have to figure out what I can tolerate by getting out of my comfort zone again. The thing is that i tried that many times and I failed. I think i just have to keep trying because quitting mean resignation to a life of no activity whatsoever. I am concerned what will become of me if I continued like this. Maybe you can tell me how long you been like this and has it got any better in some areas?

 

[back_to_oblivion]

Very relatable. I can't help but think my situation is hopeless. There is such a gap between me and my age peers, I don't think this gap of experience can be bridged. One day you wake up and you realize a decade has gone by. It all went by in the blink of an eye without much of significance happening. My recollection of it is a complete blur. I have almost no memories of it because I lived such an empty life. I have no life story to tell anyone beyond my teenage years, no narrative. There are no signposts to tell a story with. There is just emptiness. Everyone has had new experiences and made new memories that have shaped them but this is missing completely with me. I lived and still live a poor and uninteresting private life. Everything that shapes a person's life, that strengthens and molds a person, I lacked: education, career, friendship, hobbies, love, relationships.

Is it possible anyone will relate to someone like me? Because of isolation I am an empty shell. I have no experiences to share with anyone other than what it's like to live a life of isolation, emptiness, boredom and loneliness. It's like @BottomlessPit said, it destroys your personality. The only solution seems to be creating a fake persona but that will not give you a true connection with anyone and you'll still feel empty inside. My personality has been shaped by isolation and emptiness and the result is a nihilistic and somewhat cynical personality. Perhaps this has been a form of damage control. To care as little as possible about anything, so that I feel as little as possible and the blow of living such a life has been lessened so that I can still somewhat function and get through the day.

 

[ClownMe]

I feel your pain, nothing has meaning anymore and im simply not living. The greatest irony is that one of the few small joys that I get nowadays is when im browsing SS.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I have no idea how to live and I simply cannot. I know that I need to ctb. I am not meant for this world. It is painful when everything is hopeless. Life is very depressing. I am also scared of this world, as there is unlimited potential for suffering, after all. I wish you the best, whatever happens.