Venting I find comfort in thinking about CTB

[KatyushaHanging]

I've tried commiting suicide before, many times. And all of which landed me in the hospital, or have failed and I never told anyone about it. And it makes me feel useless. I can't even CTB right, so what's the point? I find majour comfort about thinking of what would have happened if I had been successful. I want to get close to that euphoria again. I want to get the that feeling of infinite bliss, that dizzy, trippy tired excited feeling. I want the mania to come flooding back to me... But at the same time I'd miss the little things in life, like my partner, my dog, music...

 

[FuneralCry]

I find the thought of permanent nonexistence to be the only thing that could ever be close to comforting, I just hate how it's this difficult to die and how suicide methods can potentially fail. A suicide method going wrong and just leading to more suffering is exactly what I fear and it certainly should be easier to be free from this cruel world.