Venting i feel strangely proud of cutting myself.

[parentportaldotnet]

i dont know why, but when i look at the results of me self harming, i feel proud, i feel proud of how much damage ive done to myself. i'm obviously not proud in the sense of, "oh? this?? this is an achievement i want to show off," but looking at the aftermath makes me strangely happy.
when i make a slice in my thigh, i feel a strange sense of calm and relief that i can never get anywhere else. when i look at what ive done, i feel accomplished. i'm not sure what the point of this post is, but yeah. theres that.

 

[Merocero]

I can relate man, i feel very similar about my self harm,,

 

[Jisatsu]

I really get what you mean. It's weird how the aftermath can feel like proof of what you've gone through. You're not alone in that.

I know this might sound strange to some people, but I honestly love my scars. They're a part of me now, just as much as anything else. They tell the story of what I've been through, all the nights I didn't think I'd survive, and the moments I felt like breaking apart.

 

[kuniwan]

I oddly feel the same way, I think it's because to me my self harm serves as material-proof that there is indeed something going on with my mental health and that I'm not simply "forcing" myself to have negative feelings.

 

[VoidBlessed]

Me too. I'm very pain averse so I always feel like I've overcome something significant. The clarity during and for a short time afterwards is really refreshing too. For that little span of time the noise in my head shuts up.

 

[already_dying]

I feel the same way. As a kid me and my friends would "compete" on how much we could harm ourselves as a show of self control, and every time I cut myself now I can't help but feel proud at my level of self control, even though logically I know it isn't self control, and is often quite the opposite