The only thing giving me pleasure up to now was smoking weed and playing league. For some reason I play way better than normally and even enjoy it. Today I tried playing sober because I don't want to build too much tolerance. But, after thing not going the way I wanted I snapped I even told other players, I dont care because I want to cbt, I hope I don't get banned for saying it. After that I played very poorly, because I couldn't focus.
I remember back in the day I really enjoyed playing. Now it's mostly to keep my mind shut. I feel like the things, like youtube, series, games etc, I can't enjoy anything anymore.
I don't even know if I want to die.
To be honest yes but if I could actually get the life I want that would be better. Although it is never gonna happen anyways.
I don't know what to do in this situation. I need a way to shut down my mind and emotions. Meditation and antidepressants don't help enough. Other types of coping are very addictive and unsustainable, so I'm afraid of that route.
I just want to finally get over with life. If I'm not gonna cbt, I just need to wait till something kills me. Untill then I want to think and suffer as little as possible.
I remember back in the day I really enjoyed playing. Now it's mostly to keep my mind shut. I feel like the things, like youtube, series, games etc, I can't enjoy anything anymore.
I don't even know if I want to die.
To be honest yes but if I could actually get the life I want that would be better. Although it is never gonna happen anyways.
I don't know what to do in this situation. I need a way to shut down my mind and emotions. Meditation and antidepressants don't help enough. Other types of coping are very addictive and unsustainable, so I'm afraid of that route.
I just want to finally get over with life. If I'm not gonna cbt, I just need to wait till something kills me. Untill then I want to think and suffer as little as possible.
