Styg
Get to the next screen
- Nov 11, 2023
- 14
Hey friends, hope everything is going well for everyone. This is just another rant from me about current struggles, so feel free to skip, I certainly wouldn't blame you for doing so.
Over the last few months, I've grown closer and closer to an amazing woman, and she means so much to me. I've never felt this way about anyone before, and it's been such a joy to know her. We've started a relationship together and have expressed our love for one another; something I've desired for much of my life. The cruel irony is that during this period, I've been dealing with a condition of chronic pain that is only continuing to worsen, and has significantly limited what I'm able to do with her. I just feel like I'm holding her back and I think she can do so much better, even though she constantly assures me that she only wants me.
As the days go by and the pain increases with little respite, CTB seems to be the only way out for me. I'm trying so hard to hold on for this amazing woman, but every day is taking its toll, wearing me down little by little. I don't know how much longer I can continue like this, and that scares me so much. It's filled me with a horrible guilt that I can't get rid of. I know that if I die, not only will I ruin the lives of my family and friends, but it will also destroy this woman, who deserves nothing but the best. She's been through so much in her past, and I know that my death would ruin her. She keeps talking about all the things we're going to do together when I get 'better', and it just tears me up inside because I know there's very, very little chance of any improvement. I shouldn't have gotten involved with her, but I just wanted to experience the type of happiness that comes from being with someone. Now I fear that my selfish desire for happiness will cause so much grief in the long run.
Over the last few months, I've grown closer and closer to an amazing woman, and she means so much to me. I've never felt this way about anyone before, and it's been such a joy to know her. We've started a relationship together and have expressed our love for one another; something I've desired for much of my life. The cruel irony is that during this period, I've been dealing with a condition of chronic pain that is only continuing to worsen, and has significantly limited what I'm able to do with her. I just feel like I'm holding her back and I think she can do so much better, even though she constantly assures me that she only wants me.
As the days go by and the pain increases with little respite, CTB seems to be the only way out for me. I'm trying so hard to hold on for this amazing woman, but every day is taking its toll, wearing me down little by little. I don't know how much longer I can continue like this, and that scares me so much. It's filled me with a horrible guilt that I can't get rid of. I know that if I die, not only will I ruin the lives of my family and friends, but it will also destroy this woman, who deserves nothing but the best. She's been through so much in her past, and I know that my death would ruin her. She keeps talking about all the things we're going to do together when I get 'better', and it just tears me up inside because I know there's very, very little chance of any improvement. I shouldn't have gotten involved with her, but I just wanted to experience the type of happiness that comes from being with someone. Now I fear that my selfish desire for happiness will cause so much grief in the long run.
