BlueButterfly111
Autistic and Heartbroken
- Dec 26, 2024
- 322
I know that this is nothing new, and plenty of people feel lost without their loved ones that passed away, but this is feels so much different for me. It's been over a year and a half since he passed away, and really nothing has gotten better in terms of grieving.
I'm not like everyone else, I never felt like I belonged here. But when I met him, things felt different, I felt so much better, like I finally had someone, like I had a home. I've never felt a sense of home with anyone else before I met him, not even with my own family. It's not even that I've just been surrounded by extremely shitty people, I've just always been different. People have always thought that I was weird, and I was always seen as an outcast. Until I met him, he gave me hope, and I finally felt safe in this world.
I can be in a room full of people laughing and talking and I still feel so alone, like I am right now. Why did he have to leave me on this Earth alone? I think he felt the same way, especially after I learned more details about what his life was like before he met me after he passed away. So I'm just lost without him, and I don't know what to do. For some reason, I just can't bring myself to ctb right now, and yes I know that I was supposed to do it a long time ago, but circumstances changed for some reason. Now I'm stuck here without him, but I often find myself yearning for him and just feeling sad, wishing that I could go join him.
I feel like I can't even relate to other widowers/other young widowers. They always say, "just keep looking, you'll find your person," and they seem to move on rather quickly. Guys have tried to talk to me or date me, but it's always either they seem to not really have much to talk to me about, or they just think I'm completely weird. It's just the same thing basically as before I met my boyfriend, I'm always alone, I'm always the weirdo, I'm always the outcast.
He was the only person who understood me, and I don't really feel safe or at home anywhere or with anyone else in this world. I just feel like I don't belong here, I never fit in with anybody. I just miss him more than anything in this world, and wish that I could be with him again.
I'm not like everyone else, I never felt like I belonged here. But when I met him, things felt different, I felt so much better, like I finally had someone, like I had a home. I've never felt a sense of home with anyone else before I met him, not even with my own family. It's not even that I've just been surrounded by extremely shitty people, I've just always been different. People have always thought that I was weird, and I was always seen as an outcast. Until I met him, he gave me hope, and I finally felt safe in this world.
I can be in a room full of people laughing and talking and I still feel so alone, like I am right now. Why did he have to leave me on this Earth alone? I think he felt the same way, especially after I learned more details about what his life was like before he met me after he passed away. So I'm just lost without him, and I don't know what to do. For some reason, I just can't bring myself to ctb right now, and yes I know that I was supposed to do it a long time ago, but circumstances changed for some reason. Now I'm stuck here without him, but I often find myself yearning for him and just feeling sad, wishing that I could go join him.
I feel like I can't even relate to other widowers/other young widowers. They always say, "just keep looking, you'll find your person," and they seem to move on rather quickly. Guys have tried to talk to me or date me, but it's always either they seem to not really have much to talk to me about, or they just think I'm completely weird. It's just the same thing basically as before I met my boyfriend, I'm always alone, I'm always the weirdo, I'm always the outcast.
He was the only person who understood me, and I don't really feel safe or at home anywhere or with anyone else in this world. I just feel like I don't belong here, I never fit in with anybody. I just miss him more than anything in this world, and wish that I could be with him again.
Last edited:
