Venting I feel so hopeless and everything is pointless

[Praestat_Mori]

A feeling of hopelessness overcame me now and everything seems to be so pointless literally everything and the worst thing is I'm not suicidal enough despite everything being hopeless and pointless. Idk whether this makes sense or not it's weird. Some situations of my past came to my mind where I obviously made the wrong decisions from today's point of view. Yet it doesn't make me suicidal enough and doesn't help me either. Still no hope for a bright future. Idk if anyone reads this it's just rambling / venting.

 

[Mi Mi]

A feeling of hopelessness overcame me now and everything seems to be so pointless literally everything and the worst thing is I'm not suicidal enough despite everything being hopeless and pointless. Idk whether this makes sense or not it's weird. Some situations of my past came to my mind where I obviously made the wrong decisions from today's point of view. Yet it doesn't make me suicidal enough and doesn't help me either. Still no hope for a bright future. Idk if anyone reads this it's just rambling / venting.

I get it
It was once how I used to be

 

[Ash]

So sorry to hear this. Keep rambling and venting. You're not alone x

 

[Homo erectus]

People say there will be a replay of the whole life again to ridicule people during death. I have been seeing many episodes of the past recently. Many of them I thought I had forgotten. Many are pretty ridiculous.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

People say there will be a replay of the whole life again to ridicule people during death. I have been seeing many episodes of the past recently. Many of them I thought I had forgotten. Many are pretty ridiculous.

Perhaps I'm dying alive and it's just a taste what might come in the actual event.

 

[Homo erectus]

Perhaps I'm dying alive and it's just a taste what might come in the actual event.

I wonder if anyone would be totally proud of their whole life without blemish during the review.

 

[Guy Smiley]

I very much relate to this. I feel the same way.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wonder if anyone would be totally proud of their whole life without blemish during the review.

I think I can be proud of most of my life but not of my big failure in life and everything that happened afterwards. That's total suffering. It's unfair. :-(

 

[Kit1]

I can certainly relate to mistakes made. Praestat_Mori, I have seen you on so many chats and you come across as a genuinely lovely and caring person. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect - if anyone says otherwise, it is not true. Please don't give yourself a hard time. It is one of those moments and tomorrow is another day.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can certainly relate to mistakes made. Praestat_Mori, I have seen you on so many chats and you come across as a genuinely lovely and caring person. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect - if anyone says otherwise, it is not true. Please don't give yourself a hard time. It is one of those moments and tomorrow is another day.

Thx!! I hope so. Tomorrow will be better for all of us! I hope so!!

 

[Ash]

I wonder if anyone would be totally proud of their whole life without blemish during the review.

I'd be willing to bet that the answer to that is a big fat zero.

 

[Homo erectus]

I think I can be proud of most of my life but not for my big failure in life and everything that happened afterwards. That's total suffering. It's unfair. :-(

I am not proud of my life. But it could have been worse. There wasn't a single point of failure, but a series of wrong moves. The outcome seems inevitable. I might have to relive this life many times to finally get it right because it is very unlikely.

 

[BlendedHeart]

I absolutely relate to that. It's in those moments of hopelessness that I expect to do something about my life, for better or worse. And I never do anything. It's very frustrating.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I can certainly relate to mistakes made. Praestat_Mori, I have seen you on so many chats and you come across as a genuinely lovely and caring person. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect - if anyone says otherwise, it is not true. Please don't give yourself a hard time. It is one of those moments and tomorrow is another day.

So lovely to read this.

I feel no hope any more. I don't have hobbies and am running out of money - all I do is look for work. It's literally all just sending resumes and taking workforce development courses. It's not a life. I just feel dead already. I guess if I figure out what's in my bank account I can figure out how much time I have. I feel like stopping therapy is the next logical thing since I can't afford it at this point.

I really have not felt this level of hopelessness and knowing there's nobody who will notice is making it both sad and perfect - the ability to get rid of everything and just disappear forever. All I want at this point is to find my method.

 

[AllAlone]

I know how you feel. I have made decisions and completely ruined my life. I have no hope that things will get better and no desire to change. I want to die but I am too depressed to kill myself. Thinking about it and trying to plan my suicide is stressful and it's easier to just lay in bed doing nothing all day. It's just easier to keep living a shitty pointless hopeless life than it is to kill yourself.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I absolutely relate to that. It's in those moments of hopelessness that I expect to do something about my life, for better or worse. And I never do anything. It's very frustrating.

I can relate. I give up on everything before eI even try it bc it's hopeless and any more failures will lead to CTB. But in the same time I don't really want to die.

I feel no hope any more. I don't have hobbies and am running out of money - all I do is look for work. It's literally all just sending resumes and taking workforce development courses. It's not a life. I just feel dead already. I guess if I figure out what's in my bank account I can figure out how much time I have. I feel like stopping therapy is the next logical thing since I can't afford it at this point.

Totally relatable. I don't even apply for anything bc chances r nearly 0 here that this will lead to a life worth to be lived again.
Could your issues be solved with therapy? Mine won't be solved it's a waste of money imo.

I know how you feel. I have made decisions and completely ruined my life. I have no hope that things will get better and no desire to change. I want to die but I am too depressed to kill myself. Thinking about it and trying to plan my suicide is stressful and it's easier to just lay in bed doing nothing all day. It's just easier to keep living a shitty pointless hopeless life than it is to kill yourself.

Dying is even harder than living, that's so true.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

not sure how anyone can really be hopeful? not once you realize that you will eventually die anyway. my first few jobs, i really busted my ass and i have no regrets because it did get me pretty far in life. i don't understand people who accumulate billions. if they have that much, they aren't doing a good job of spending it lol and they certainly cannot take it with them when they die.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

not sure how anyone can really be hopeful? not once you realize that you will eventually die anyway. my first few jobs, i really busted my ass and i have no regrets because it did get me pretty far in life. i don't understand people who accumulate billions. if they have that much, they aren't doing a good job of spending it lol and they certainly cannot take it with them when they die.

I never thought of dying for most of my life rather I imagined myself reaching 100+ but ofc healthy that's the major point.

Well, it's pretty difficult to spend billions once someone has them - they are not cash in current accounts they're mainly assets that earn cash (mainly via wage slaves). But let's think a little bit smaller - with an income of 10k+ you're already in a position where it's hard to spend all that money every month rather you will see your savings growing and that can be a pretty much comforting feeling giving financial security to survive difficult times.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Totally relatable. I don't even apply for anything bc chances r nearly 0 here that this will lead to a life worth to be lived again.
Could your issues be solved with therapy? Mine won't be solved it's a waste of money imo.

Therapy can be good and my trauma therapist is very helpful. I've just seen too many things at this point and have too much trauma and active wounds from abusive relationships. I feel it's hard to imagine more hell than C-PTSD and ADHD with autism. I have uncontrollable thoughts all the time. If I were younger the therapy would work but i can barely take care of myself. I really tried. I really did.

The freedom from my brain from non existing sounds like peace.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's not rambling. It's putting into words how pretty much all of here feel. Not being suicidal enough is worse than being maximum suicidal in my eyes. Because not being suicidal enough forces you to remain alive and suffer. That is whyso many people justifiably turn to substance abuse to numb the realities of this completely useless and stressful life.