Venting I feel so empty and tired

[Dingusguy]

I just feel so empty and tired all the time. I hate being around at this point I just want to go and sleep.
I fucked up my own life, I can't blame anyone but me, I lost my job, I blew my chances at love a few times, I let my mental and physical health decline and I am still letting that happen. I have effectively become a shut in, and I don't do anything I just play games, listen to music, and care for my pets.

I want to do something about it but I just can't find the energy or motivation to do anything.
I have friends who check in on me and make me come do stuff with them which is nice but I always just feel so out of place and it sucks. I get they are trying to cheer me up and it works, but only for a few hours at best and then I go right back to feeling so empty and tired.

I have tried my best to keep the way I feel hidden from my family or friends but a few caught on. And I told a couple of close friends about my thought on wanting to CTB.
I promised I would not attempt to CTB, and I doubt that I will attempt it because I care too deeply about my friends, family and my pets. I don't want to hurt them, but where does that leave me? Am I just supposed to keep counting the days and keep existing despite having no want to do so? I hate it. I wanna go. I wanna sleep. But I can't.
I care too much about my family, about my friends and my pets. So I just keep on existing for them. I don't want to hurt them but I feel so lonely cold and empty all the time.

Anyone else out there who just keep counting the days for the sake of their loved ones?