i feel so awful

[real human being]

i dont have the words to describe the suffering and trauma and deep sense of despair and misery that i feel, i wish i could, i wish i could make at least one person understand, i wish i could get this black ball of darkness out of my chest. nothing can change, it just repeats and gets worse and worse and more painful. this existence is just torture to me i dont want to go through with it anymore but even ending it is too hard and would cause suffering to the people around me. im just stuck in this personal fucking hell. im a failure i failed everything in life and nothing can be fixed. there is no time, no resources, and no way to fix any of it. i cant fix my brain either, i cant fix my nervous system. it's all broken, it's all shattered. im not even a living thing im just a ghost or a ghoul walking around with no purpose or energy. i just try my best to imitate a normal person when i have to but it's honestly so hard to even imitate it. it's so hard to act semi-normal around other people. so hard to fake that i care about anything. is life just forcing yourself to do thing you dont like until you die? thats what it seems like to me. i want to cry but there are no tears.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yup, I relate. And I'm sorry

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really dreadful what you go through, it's truly so hellish how people suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Why you feel the need to act differently to people? Maybe family or friends can help you if you tell them what's really is going on. Hope the best for you. I feel the same way.

 

[Csmith8827]

im just stuck in this personal fucking hell

Exactly. I know exactly what that is. I feel like I failed at some stuff too but I'm trying to fix things.