real human being
full of broken thoughts
- Jan 28, 2022
- 226
i dont have the words to describe the suffering and trauma and deep sense of despair and misery that i feel, i wish i could, i wish i could make at least one person understand, i wish i could get this black ball of darkness out of my chest. nothing can change, it just repeats and gets worse and worse and more painful. this existence is just torture to me i dont want to go through with it anymore but even ending it is too hard and would cause suffering to the people around me. im just stuck in this personal fucking hell. im a failure i failed everything in life and nothing can be fixed. there is no time, no resources, and no way to fix any of it. i cant fix my brain either, i cant fix my nervous system. it's all broken, it's all shattered. im not even a living thing im just a ghost or a ghoul walking around with no purpose or energy. i just try my best to imitate a normal person when i have to but it's honestly so hard to even imitate it. it's so hard to act semi-normal around other people. so hard to fake that i care about anything. is life just forcing yourself to do thing you dont like until you die? thats what it seems like to me. i want to cry but there are no tears.
