Venting I feel pathetic for my reason to ctb

[BurningShipFractal]

im killing myself for a really stupid reason, well actually a combination of reasons. so basically the core cause that i will do it is because of college admissions, im almost 19 and applying to schools, for all my life ive been known as a smart person and my parents talk about me getting into Ivy league schools and top 10 schools like its nothing and almost as if they expect me to do so with ease. Everyone around me expects so much out of me but i got rejected basically everywhere and I ccannot bear to live with that type of shame within me. Another set of contributing factors is how mentally ill I am. I have diagnised autism and bpd and both have ruined my life completely. ANyways, I feel like my first reason is kind of stupid and not a good enough reason to actually do it. I hate myself more than anything

 

[JFED]

Don't feel too bad. If your feelings matter to you then it's justified. I feel the same about my reason. It's so overwhelming and I've felt so strongly about it for a long time that I don't care what others think. It's important to me.

 

[sourcherry]

i know how stressful college admissions are and disappointing parents about academic pressure!
i will say that even if you get accepted to a school it might become a no-go simply because they don't give you enough financial aid.
not getting into a top 10/ivy isn't the end! i promise you can always transfer anytime you want or it might even be more helpful to take a gap semester etc. to plan things better.

the one thing i regret is letting my parents rush decide where i went for undergrad. it was a highly competitive school. but when i graduated i got nothing out of it. its literally a piece of paper sitting in my room somewhere.

idk if you thought past your undergrad but the program/the CONNECTIONS is way more worth than the brand name of the school. lemme know if you'd like college advice. whatever youre super stressed about now im pretty sure ive been through it to some degree.

 

[kk13]

No reason is stupid.

 

[eidoll]

for suicide no reason is a stupid reason

 

[meatballlover]

So do I. But as others said, who cares?

 

[bigjwang]

im killing myself for a really stupid reason, well actually a combination of reasons. so basically the core cause that i will do it is because of college admissions, im almost 19 and applying to schools, for all my life ive been known as a smart person and my parents talk about me getting into Ivy league schools and top 10 schools like its nothing and almost as if they expect me to do so with ease. Everyone around me expects so much out of me but i got rejected basically everywhere and I ccannot bear to live with that type of shame within me. Another set of contributing factors is how mentally ill I am. I have diagnised autism and bpd and both have ruined my life completely. ANyways, I feel like my first reason is kind of stupid and not a good enough reason to actually do it. I hate myself more than anything

Your reason isn't stupid. It's hard having that kind of pressure on you. You can still have a good future, it's cliche but you're young and healthy. You can be the person everyone else wants you to be but when you get there you'll find jealousy over the autistic guy that cares only for rocks for the sake of rocks. The guy that just does whatever he wants is a lot happier than willingly subjecting yourself to the meat grinder of society. Trust me.

Good luck to you. Try and live out six months to see if it's what you still want. Or don't who am I your fucking dad.