Venting I feel my sanity slipping away

[kunikuzushi]

Is losing your sanity a conscious, slow process? Can it be?
I'm losing track of what's real and not. I don't feel like any of my memories are my own. Even memories from yesterday feel like they happened to someone else. I feel like multiple people are in my brain. I'm losing control.

At times, I experience an overwhelming euphoria that comes and goes. When it goes, it feels like pure despair. I'd rather not experience it at all, but it's addicting. I can't keep living like this. The switching of personalities, memories, moods. It's too much. It happens multiple times a day. I can't keep putting myself through this. It's too much strain on my body and mind. I'm being tortured. I wish for comfort. Please. I'm building up the courage every day to end this. But sometimes it feels like I'm getting more and more scared to do it the closer I get.

Is anyone experiencing a similar torture? I really would like to hear if anyone has a similar experience.

 

[itsgone2]

Yes. I feel it unraveling a bit. Can't take this forever. Not sure if I'm getting any closer to ctb or not. Some users on here go back years. Terrifying to consider.

 

[ponderingkoala]

Is losing your sanity a conscious, slow process? Can it be?
I'm losing track of what's real and not. I don't feel like any of my memories are my own. Even memories from yesterday feel like they happened to someone else. I feel like multiple people are in my brain. I'm losing control.

At times, I experience an overwhelming euphoria that comes and goes. When it goes, it feels like pure despair. I'd rather not experience it at all, but it's addicting. I can't keep living like this. The switching of personalities, memories, moods. It's too much. It happens multiple times a day. I can't keep putting myself through this. It's too much strain on my body and mind. I'm being tortured. I wish for comfort. Please. I'm building up the courage every day to end this. But sometimes it feels like I'm getting more and more scared to do it the closer I get.

Is anyone experiencing a similar torture? I really would like to hear if anyone has a similar experience.

No matter what don't use drugs to cope (it only gets worse it stores the anguish and multiplies it). But with your highs and lows, try to get use to the lows and consider it as a standard to life, build a state of mind around it and when the high come use that as your super power it's life and it's just the way things go. You'll miss out on finding out how things go if you quit early, cause Death is stilll the end result of a good life so why not wait to find out. Acceptance if something you need friend.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Yes. I feel it unraveling a bit. Can't take this forever. Not sure if I'm getting any closer to ctb or not. Some users on here go back years. Terrifying to consider.

Thank you for sharing. I feel less alone. I'm sorry you're in a similar position. And yeah we can't take this forever. Thankfully it will end one day. But hopefully with as little torture as possible.

No matter what don't use drugs to cope (it only gets worse it stores the anguish and multiplies it). But with your highs and lows, try to get use to the lows and consider it as a standard to life, build a state of mind around it and when the high come use that as your super power it's life and it's just the way things go. You'll miss out on finding out how things go if you quit early, cause Death is stilll the end result of a good life so why not wait to find out. Acceptance if something you need friend.

I use alcohol and occasional benzos, and I know it makes things worse, but at this point it doesn't matter. I already consider my baseline to be a very low mood. It's just the craving of highs and the drops are unbearable. I don't wish to find out how things go. I don't wish to experience any more highs or good things or neutral or bad. I will not wait to find out because every day is a consistent torture that I've experienced for more than 30 years that I don't want anymore. Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[58Alice85]

Hi i am insane
I had this massive psychotic episode a couple of months ago, have been hearing voices and mild hallucinations since then
It did not go gradually for me, like i was ok for my entire life, then suddenly i started hearing voices and seeing things which weren't there
It doesn't really go away, I've only become more adept at dealing with it, like i first had to look at people's mouths when they were speaking to make sure, i no longer have to do this
On the schizophrenia subreddit there are people who have been living with this for 10+ years, i do not plan to do this.
I hope you find some improvement or release from your torture, but in my personal experience this stuff does not go away