I'm trapped between my suicide instinct and fear of pain. It's making me go insane. I want to die, but for some reason every time I try to plan out a method I get sick from it. I just have a strong SI and I always imagine my loved ones seing my dead body, it's just so hard for me to go through. Not to mention the unreliability. My biggest fear is surviving and having to live with extreme health consequences.
But my mind is breaking, this is way too much for me to take. I sometimes feel like I just want to start screeming in horror, but at the same time I'm so detached I barely feel I'm there.
It's getting worse, there doesn't seem to be a bottom. There is nothing I can do to heal, I can't even slow it down.
I sometimes get violent thoughts, where I imagine harming or even killing those that used to bully me.
I really doubt I would be able to do something like that. But at this rate I'm slowly losing control.
I hate that thia society is too arrogant to acknowledge it cannot help me. I was through therapies all my life, it literally does nothing, it's just a place where I talk to some people, who are paid to not ignore me, who have literally no clue what I'm going through and can't give me any useful advice. I can't even talk to them about suicide, one time I told about it to my therapist and she suggested me to find a new one, because she can't do it. I would say therapy is only usefull for normies, but completely worthless waste of money for people with actual problems.
Prolifers are just cowards. They force us to keep suffering just to protect their precious feelings. And never acknowledge how fucked up this whole world really is.
Closest possibility of assisted dying is in Switzerland. But fist of all I would need to be extensively evaluated, most likely denied, as so far I heard they don't take asperger or depression as enough reason. Also it would cost me more than my yearly salary back when I worked. It's just a sick joke.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I need a fucking help, I need help with dying, because I just can't do it on my own.
But my mind is breaking, this is way too much for me to take. I sometimes feel like I just want to start screeming in horror, but at the same time I'm so detached I barely feel I'm there.
It's getting worse, there doesn't seem to be a bottom. There is nothing I can do to heal, I can't even slow it down.
I sometimes get violent thoughts, where I imagine harming or even killing those that used to bully me.
I really doubt I would be able to do something like that. But at this rate I'm slowly losing control.
I hate that thia society is too arrogant to acknowledge it cannot help me. I was through therapies all my life, it literally does nothing, it's just a place where I talk to some people, who are paid to not ignore me, who have literally no clue what I'm going through and can't give me any useful advice. I can't even talk to them about suicide, one time I told about it to my therapist and she suggested me to find a new one, because she can't do it. I would say therapy is only usefull for normies, but completely worthless waste of money for people with actual problems.
Prolifers are just cowards. They force us to keep suffering just to protect their precious feelings. And never acknowledge how fucked up this whole world really is.
Closest possibility of assisted dying is in Switzerland. But fist of all I would need to be extensively evaluated, most likely denied, as so far I heard they don't take asperger or depression as enough reason. Also it would cost me more than my yearly salary back when I worked. It's just a sick joke.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I need a fucking help, I need help with dying, because I just can't do it on my own.
