CloudyNightSky
Specialist
- Oct 28, 2023
- 302
This ripping apart feeling almost feels like it's real. I mean real in like physical pain. My head aches and it keeps me up at night. I have more auditory hallucinations then normal and if I can sleep I wake up from nightmares. I think that feeling gets created bc of a few things.
First reason is just like a lot of people here too, I just pretend a lot yk. I even feel like the more I feel like shit, the more happy and hyperactive I act. It's honestly embarrassing sometimes.
Second reason is SA by my dad when I was like 13, but I forgot and remembered years later. I've never told someone (except my therapist) and ffs just thinking about it makes me rage, but I hate to admit that he's not that bad of a person in general. Both of my parents still neglected me emotionally and physically (like food and stuff) but I mean not a bad person in, if you meet this person random on the street they appear sympathetic. And most of my friends, who met them, like them. In these moments I just want to punch them in the face and tell them what happened, but I'm too scared that it'll spread. Like I just want to forget and don't want to be reminded that this ever happened.
Third reason is a friend of mine and maybe I'm overthinking stuff but I'm pretty sure I don't. On one day he's really nice and on the other he's avoiding me and treats me like shit. And nothing happened like tf?? He's doing this since 5 damn years and idk if he's my friend or if I hate him.
And the last reason is probably that my favourite person doesn't contact me. We've been best friends since basically our whole life's, but I'm the only one trying to keep the contact up. In the past 2 month I haven't really contacted a lot of people bc it cost so much energy for me to do it. It just seems like she looses interest in me. I'll still try to keep the friendship working bc that's one of my two reasons to stay alive and don't just down my Sn right now.
Thx for reading
First reason is just like a lot of people here too, I just pretend a lot yk. I even feel like the more I feel like shit, the more happy and hyperactive I act. It's honestly embarrassing sometimes.
Second reason is SA by my dad when I was like 13, but I forgot and remembered years later. I've never told someone (except my therapist) and ffs just thinking about it makes me rage, but I hate to admit that he's not that bad of a person in general. Both of my parents still neglected me emotionally and physically (like food and stuff) but I mean not a bad person in, if you meet this person random on the street they appear sympathetic. And most of my friends, who met them, like them. In these moments I just want to punch them in the face and tell them what happened, but I'm too scared that it'll spread. Like I just want to forget and don't want to be reminded that this ever happened.
Third reason is a friend of mine and maybe I'm overthinking stuff but I'm pretty sure I don't. On one day he's really nice and on the other he's avoiding me and treats me like shit. And nothing happened like tf?? He's doing this since 5 damn years and idk if he's my friend or if I hate him.
And the last reason is probably that my favourite person doesn't contact me. We've been best friends since basically our whole life's, but I'm the only one trying to keep the contact up. In the past 2 month I haven't really contacted a lot of people bc it cost so much energy for me to do it. It just seems like she looses interest in me. I'll still try to keep the friendship working bc that's one of my two reasons to stay alive and don't just down my Sn right now.
Thx for reading
