Venting I feel like my enemies would get an EGO boost if I CTBed

[PxB]

I feel like CTBing because of my current situation (poverty, mental illneses, and being ugly) but then I realized that I would give an EGO boost to the people I recently argued with because they would think that they have caused my death if they heard I CTBed, which is partly true. I got gaslighted by them after I talked about my problems, so I argued with them, but I lost in those arguments because I was too depressed to do my best, and now their opinions is weighing on me, so they did contribute a bit to the clinical depression I'm currently having. The feeling that I would make those POS happy if they heard that I CTBed is what's stopping me from CTBing right now. How can I overcome this thought that is preventing me from CTBing?

 

[ikadasui]

I know of at least one person who will jump for joy at my death. My sister. Granted if the tables were turned and she'd died I'd also be cheering and hollering, and I won't say giving them satisfication doesn't annoy me because it does quite a bit, but I'll be gone and not able to express my discontent and most importantly I'll no longer be suffering which at the end of the day is far more important than how someone else feels about me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Those people sound so awful, it really does seem as though in this world humans are responsible for so much of the suffering that exists. But the way that I see it, if someone was to die then whatever happens in this world cannot be their concern as they simply won't be able to experience anything by that point. We will all die and lose everything someday, it's simply inevitable.