I feel like i'm forced to go soon.

[Lightina Yagami]

There are a lot of things going on in my life rn that I unfortunately can't talk abt with anyone including here that will make it hard for me to stay alive much longer. Mentally I truly believe that I can get better kinda, like I said in a different post I don't have a future anymore so no matter what I will have to do it eventually but I wasn't planning on it to be so soon. I still wanted to watch the new season of bsd for example that's coming out soon and I was even curious abt the new avatar movies and series that are coming out. However there are a lot of people in my life who (this is the best way I can explain it) won't leave me alone. What makes it worse is that they pretend that they're trying to help me but they don't listen and make everything 10 times worse. I would maybe even not be this suicidal if it wasn't for other/those people. Because I am truly trying to get better but because I'm finally focusing on my mental health that makes it for some people think that I'm somehow doing worse. Just because I finally try to take care of myself instead of pretending to be unfeeling, happy, smart, special, strong and someone who can't get hurt. I still pretend to be like that of course when I'm around people but lately because I'm focusing on my mental health I've distanced myself from everyone what made them think that they somehow should involve themselves in my business. This is probably really confusing because I can't go into details but I feel like I have to mention that a lot of the ppl who make this worse for me aren't even ppl I know personally. My birthday is soon like very soon, this month and I was first planning to if I was gonna end it to do it at least at my birthday but with all that's going on I don't even know if I can make it until then. One of the reasons I'm posting all this is also because I hope that if I eventually die that ppl will find this and my other posts (I also have them in my notes). Ppl I know will hopefully understand who and what I'm all talking abt and hopefully that will at least get a message across to the people who make this all harder for me. I truly hope that maybe even if the chance is tiny they don't do this to someone else.

Idk if someone read all this but if you did thank you, I hope that your chances of recovery and a new better future are bigger than mine<3