cosifantutti
Student
- Aug 27, 2023
- 184
After 6 awful months I've just had a couple of good months. I become a different person. I initiate activities. I'm very chatty. I do everything right and it's easy.
On Monday my mood dropped, right back to awful. I can't face the things I've planned and whilst I manage to maintain a very basic routine I just seem to become one big failure.
I rang the Samaritans (helpline) today. She was lovely but then she suggested I keep something up because it would be good for me. That's helping my niece muck out the stables. I've loved doing it. Now it feels difficult. The lovely chats we were having simply won't be because I hardly speak. The Samaritan mentioned how good being around horses can be for mental health, and when I manage something treat myself to a nice cake - when I'm like this nothing is a treat! I feel like even more of a failure.
So many people say do this or that and don't seem to get that I can't. I make myself go out but become very choosy where I go.
I'm lucky in that my husband and grown up kids never put pressure on me. But when someone's saying. Have you been trying those exercises I told you about, or keep doing your crochet it's good for you, or you should come it'll be a fun day - all that feels like pressure and my desire to be dead goes right up.
I don't mind if people say, do you think such and such would help. That means I've got a say.
I'm so utterly miserable, I don't want to be here. I don't want to ctb because I'm frightened and because of family. Although I've got a lovely husband I feel so alone.
On Monday my mood dropped, right back to awful. I can't face the things I've planned and whilst I manage to maintain a very basic routine I just seem to become one big failure.
I rang the Samaritans (helpline) today. She was lovely but then she suggested I keep something up because it would be good for me. That's helping my niece muck out the stables. I've loved doing it. Now it feels difficult. The lovely chats we were having simply won't be because I hardly speak. The Samaritan mentioned how good being around horses can be for mental health, and when I manage something treat myself to a nice cake - when I'm like this nothing is a treat! I feel like even more of a failure.
So many people say do this or that and don't seem to get that I can't. I make myself go out but become very choosy where I go.
I'm lucky in that my husband and grown up kids never put pressure on me. But when someone's saying. Have you been trying those exercises I told you about, or keep doing your crochet it's good for you, or you should come it'll be a fun day - all that feels like pressure and my desire to be dead goes right up.
I don't mind if people say, do you think such and such would help. That means I've got a say.
I'm so utterly miserable, I don't want to be here. I don't want to ctb because I'm frightened and because of family. Although I've got a lovely husband I feel so alone.
