Venting I feel like I get overly attached to people idk quickly

[MOSTHATED]

Like maybe two months ago, this one girl messaged me on tiktok cus we're moots ig. I was kinda nervous (I'm always nervous talking to people) But we talked to each other for little bit. She told me a little bit about herself and I told her some things abt me. And even tho it was a small interaction, I felt so much happier. I liked talking to her cus I basically have nobody rn in my life to talk to with or any friends. (she was also pretty cool) So I thought we were friends even tho we had only talked for a few hours. The next day, I felt on top of the world because I had thought that I finally made a friend. It was the best I felt in a very long time and I was excited to msg her when I got back home. Soo I did but she ignored me and ig I felt kinda hurt? Like I rlly thought we had smth going. Or maybe I had gotten my hopes up to high. Anyways, like a few days later she actually did msg me again and I was ecstatic. We hardly even talk. We just send each other stupid videos. Sometimes we would talk and sometimes we wouldn't. But for some reason this really made me extremely happy. Sometimes I would be praying for her to msg me and I felt so happy when she did. Anyways she ignored me again and it's been a few weeks since I last talked her. I think abt her sometimes. It made me realize that she probably really didn't even like talking to me and was just doing it out of pity ( I just know she sighed whenever I messaged her) It's really my fault for being so delusional and thinking we were friends. Felt like one of those parasocial relationships. I feel like such a loser typing all of this. But my question is why do I feel this way? Because we hardly even talked to each other and I don't know much about her. Maybe it's because I feel so lonely and attention starved, that when somebody shows me even just the smallest bit of attention, I cling to them?? Idk. I just feel so weird

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine- like you say- it's because you're starved of your need for company so, an interaction that feels like it's going well can be really impactful.

I can sometimes get like that even with brief conversations with neighbours. I'm so suprised when it goes well for one.

I've been much worse with people I've felt a connection too though. I used to have a best friend and the feeling around her was so special. Occassionally, I have felt it with other people and- like you say- there is an excitement to it. It's very easy to then believe you will develop a close friendship with this person too and, become hopeful/ reliant on them always being there.

I've also learnt the hard way- that it doesn't work like that. That person may have other people they prefer. They may have a lot of commitments or, just not be looking for a new close friendship.

I realised a while back that some friendships simply wouldn't be as close as I was hoping. But then, they were still good when we both had the time to spare for each other. I guess it comes down to whether you can be content with the connection on their terms.

I don't think you're weird though. Or- if you/ we are- I don't think it's always our fault necessarily. I don't know what your childhood was like or family are like but, I think sometimes- people who don't have those strong bonds with family- look for it elsewhere. It's not exactly our fault we have social needs, although it can be problematic for others and ourselves- if we become overly reliant on others.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

Like maybe two months ago, this one girl messaged me on tiktok cus we're moots ig. I was kinda nervous (I'm always nervous talking to people) But we talked to each other for little bit. She told me a little bit about herself and I told her some things abt me. And even tho it was a small interaction, I felt so much happier. I liked talking to her cus I basically have nobody rn in my life to talk to with or any friends. (she was also pretty cool) So I thought we were friends even tho we had only talked for a few hours. The next day, I felt on top of the world because I had thought that I finally made a friend. It was the best I felt in a very long time and I was excited to msg her when I got back home. Soo I did but she ignored me and ig I felt kinda hurt? Like I rlly thought we had smth going. Or maybe I had gotten my hopes up to high. Anyways, like a few days later she actually did msg me again and I was ecstatic. We hardly even talk. We just send each other stupid videos. Sometimes we would talk and sometimes we wouldn't. But for some reason this really made me extremely happy. Sometimes I would be praying for her to msg me and I felt so happy when she did. Anyways she ignored me again and it's been a few weeks since I last talked her. I think abt her sometimes. It made me realize that she probably really didn't even like talking to me and was just doing it out of pity ( I just know she sighed whenever I messaged her) It's really my fault for being so delusional and thinking we were friends. Felt like one of those parasocial relationships. I feel like such a loser typing all of this. But my question is why do I feel this way? Because we hardly even talked to each other and I don't know much about her. Maybe it's because I feel so lonely and attention starved, that when somebody shows me even just the smallest bit of attention, I cling to them?? Idk. I just feel so weird

I'm sorry that things aren't feeling okay for your right now, I'm glad you were open about your feelings here, it's takes a lot of courage to be open. I understand how you feel too, I've felt similarly and have had done similar things before.

To answer your question, have you heard of limerence? Even if it isn't that. I think you just want someone to be your friend. Your buddy. And that's okay, but friendships take time, this person probably just doesn't see things similarly to you and doesn't want to talk as much maybe, and sadly you just have to accept that or mention it to them, because communication is key in any relationship.

Hopefully you meet someone who can be you friend too. I'm here if you want to talk more about it. :)

 

[xeno112007]

Relatable. I am way worse I propose to girls after talking 2 days thinking they liked me.

 

[violetforever]

this is exactly how i am. i think so much of people because i have no one and they think nothing of me. so many times to be reminded that im uninteresting and forgettable.

 

[noname223]

It sounds very much like me when I texting with women. (with a potential romantic component)

When I text with men I am really selective. And I have to say maybe I should also be more selective when I text with women. Instead I am ignoring all the red flags...

 

[boyafraid]

Sorry you had that experience ):

Also, pls dont call yourself a loser lol

I guess you get attached too quickly because of loneliness. I'm the same way with people I meet online. It sucks because when most people are lonely, they're desparate for any connection/potantial friendship ): and being ghosted hurts too...

 

[MOSTHATED]

Sorry you had that experience ):

Also, pls dont call yourself a loser lol

I guess you get attached too quickly because of loneliness. I'm the same way with people I meet online. It sucks because when most people are lonely, they're desparate for any connection/potantial friendship ): and being ghosted hurts too...

Ya i really hate being ignored

 

[Dejected 55]

It would be nice if people would just be honest. If they don't like you or don't want to talk to you, they should just say so. They don't have to be mean, but you wouldn't be left wondering. Also, if someone likes talking to you but they become busy... it literally takes just a few seconds to respond to you and say they are busy but didn't want you to feel ignored.

But... the sad simple truth is... most people don't give a shit about anything except themselves and what benefits them in that moment. If they don't need you right now, they don't care. They don't even consider "what if" they need you tomorrow. If you can't be beneficial to them right now, they are fine letting you dangle and wonder.

People in general just suck... and that's bad because we are wired to be social creatures and need connections + our society is designed to be almost impossible to function well without connecting to others... so if you want connection, real connection, you're fucked. But if you're ok using people yourself, then you can work the system and fuck over people to benefit you.

The world is increasingly irredeemable in my opinion.

 

[3spiral]

I relate so much started talking to a girl cus she asked my number. I thought she wouldn't message me at first but she did, I thought she wouldnt want to keep talking to me but she did. she asked me out, I thought she would give up but she didn't. after seeing me in person I thought she would just lose interest in me but she keeps messaging me sometimes and I'm getting each hour more paranoid that she's just being fake or taking advantage of me. I'm certain she will eventually get tired of me so I'm getting kinda desperate to want to meet her the more times as possible before that happens. I just spend the whole day waiting for a message and yeah I'm a little pathetic for it sure and I also feel bad because I must be such a tiring person to be around, I'm afraid I might be redflag btw I've known her for less than 2 weeks

idk why are we like this pal. its not as if I didn't have friends or smth I just assume absolutely everyone hates me and it doesn't make sense to me that she got this far

 

[MOSTHATED]

I relate so much started talking to a girl cus she asked my number. I thought she wouldn't message me at first but she did, I thought she wouldnt want to keep talking to me but she did. she asked me out, I thought she would give up but she didn't. after seeing me in person I thought she would just lose interest in me but she keeps messaging me sometimes and I'm getting each hour more paranoid that she's just being fake or taking advantage of me. I'm certain she will eventually get tired of me so I'm getting kinda desperate to want to meet her the more times as possible before that happens. I just spend the whole day waiting for a message and yeah I'm a little pathetic for it sure and I also feel bad because I must be such a tiring person to be around, I'm afraid I might be redflag btw I've known her for less than 2 weeks

idk why are we like this pal. its not as if I didn't have friends or smth I just assume absolutely everyone hates me and it doesn't make sense to me that she got this far

I assume everybody hates me and if somebody tells me that they don't, I assume they are lying

 

[PainThreshold]

God fucking shit... I think I did that once in high school, good thing it was once.

Ever since then, whenever a girl flirted with me I'd simply take it as joke, maybe flirt back but I wouldn't expect anything from it.

 

[3spiral]

I assume everybody hates me and if somebody tells me that they don't, I assume they are lying

fr!!! sometimes I believe it for a while but then my brain just convinces me It doesn't make sense for them to like me anyway. I need constant affirmation

 

[historiaegiptu]

I assume everybody hates me and if somebody tells me that they don't, I assume they are lying

Real, i convince myself everyone that hates me and i push them away so they do end up hating me lol

 

[softfur]

i never get as far as communication but i get so attached to strangers. it makes me really sad never interacting with them and knowing i'll never interact with them. it feels like a kind of insatiable hunger or a zoo animal going insane.

To answer your question, have you heard of limerence?

i had to search up this post again because i read a few pages about limerence today and gahd damn. i thought i'd already read about it and determined it wasn't me. but yeah i feel it

 

[Zizouaax]

same, seems like im jealous or idk, I'd like to have a friend (girl or guy id really care) and for us to be kind of exclusive in our friendship, same for love but i mean exclusive love is classic, I don't know if that sounds weird when I put it that way, but I just want to feel like I'm their favorite. Sometimes I even turn into a stalker, checking to see if they're online, and if they are, wondering why they're not talking to me, etc. It's awful.

 

[MOSTHATED]

same, seems like im jealous or idk, I'd like to have a friend (girl or guy id really care) and for us to be kind of exclusive in our friendship, same for love but i mean exclusive love is classic, I don't know if that sounds weird when I put it that way, but I just want to feel like I'm their favorite. Sometimes I even turn into a stalker, checking to see if they're online, and if they are, wondering why they're not talking to me, etc. It's awful.

I also wanna be someone's favorite. Like having someone that would be excited to talk to me everyday. I want them to be mine only. Lol and whenever the person in question is online, I get pretty nervous and just close the app and do smth else

 

[chaoschuckler]

I've felt the same and started isolating myself because I'm postponing my CTB due this weird thinking during SI that these ppl are worth living life for. Like i don't even know them much, i contacted them just a few weeks ago TT. Sad part is im forgetting how to speak and frame sentences day by day, hope i die soon . My communication skills are becoming worse and my brain is becoming like a polished stone TT.