Venting I feel like I get overly attached to people idk quickly

[MMOSTHATED]

Like maybe two months ago, this one girl messaged me on tiktok cus we're moots ig. I was kinda nervous (I'm always nervous talking to people) But we talked to each other for little bit. She told me a little bit about herself and I told her some things abt me. And even tho it was a small interaction, I felt so much happier. I liked talking to her cus I basically have nobody rn in my life to talk to with or any friends. (she was also pretty cool) So I thought we were friends even tho we had only talked for a few hours. The next day, I felt on top of the world because I had thought that I finally made a friend. It was the best I felt in a very long time and I was excited to msg her when I got back home. Soo I did but she ignored me and ig I felt kinda hurt? Like I rlly thought we had smth going. Or maybe I had gotten my hopes up to high. Anyways, like a few days later she actually did msg me again and I was ecstatic. We hardly even talk. We just send each other stupid videos. Sometimes we would talk and sometimes we wouldn't. But for some reason this really made me extremely happy. Sometimes I would be praying for her to msg me and I felt so happy when she did. Anyways she ignored me again and it's been a few weeks since I last talked her. I think abt her sometimes. It made me realize that she probably really didn't even like talking to me and was just doing it out of pity ( I just know she sighed whenever I messaged her) It's really my fault for being so delusional and thinking we were friends. Felt like one of those parasocial relationships. I feel like such a loser typing all of this. But my question is why do I feel this way? Because we hardly even talked to each other and I don't know much about her. Maybe it's because I feel so lonely and attention starved, that when somebody shows me even just the smallest bit of attention, I cling to them?? Idk. I just feel so weird

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine- like you say- it's because you're starved of your need for company so, an interaction that feels like it's going well can be really impactful.

I can sometimes get like that even with brief conversations with neighbours. I'm so suprised when it goes well for one.

I've been much worse with people I've felt a connection too though. I used to have a best friend and the feeling around her was so special. Occassionally, I have felt it with other people and- like you say- there is an excitement to it. It's very easy to then believe you will develop a close friendship with this person too and, become hopeful/ reliant on them always being there.

I've also learnt the hard way- that it doesn't work like that. That person may have other people they prefer. They may have a lot of commitments or, just not be looking for a new close friendship.

I realised a while back that some friendships simply wouldn't be as close as I was hoping. But then, they were still good when we both had the time to spare for each other. I guess it comes down to whether you can be content with the connection on their terms.

I don't think you're weird though. Or- if you/ we are- I don't think it's always our fault necessarily. I don't know what your childhood was like or family are like but, I think sometimes- people who don't have those strong bonds with family- look for it elsewhere. It's not exactly our fault we have social needs, although it can be problematic for others and ourselves- if we become overly reliant on others.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

Like maybe two months ago, this one girl messaged me on tiktok cus we're moots ig. I was kinda nervous (I'm always nervous talking to people) But we talked to each other for little bit. She told me a little bit about herself and I told her some things abt me. And even tho it was a small interaction, I felt so much happier. I liked talking to her cus I basically have nobody rn in my life to talk to with or any friends. (she was also pretty cool) So I thought we were friends even tho we had only talked for a few hours. The next day, I felt on top of the world because I had thought that I finally made a friend. It was the best I felt in a very long time and I was excited to msg her when I got back home. Soo I did but she ignored me and ig I felt kinda hurt? Like I rlly thought we had smth going. Or maybe I had gotten my hopes up to high. Anyways, like a few days later she actually did msg me again and I was ecstatic. We hardly even talk. We just send each other stupid videos. Sometimes we would talk and sometimes we wouldn't. But for some reason this really made me extremely happy. Sometimes I would be praying for her to msg me and I felt so happy when she did. Anyways she ignored me again and it's been a few weeks since I last talked her. I think abt her sometimes. It made me realize that she probably really didn't even like talking to me and was just doing it out of pity ( I just know she sighed whenever I messaged her) It's really my fault for being so delusional and thinking we were friends. Felt like one of those parasocial relationships. I feel like such a loser typing all of this. But my question is why do I feel this way? Because we hardly even talked to each other and I don't know much about her. Maybe it's because I feel so lonely and attention starved, that when somebody shows me even just the smallest bit of attention, I cling to them?? Idk. I just feel so weird

I'm sorry that things aren't feeling okay for your right now, I'm glad you were open about your feelings here, it's takes a lot of courage to be open. I understand how you feel too, I've felt similarly and have had done similar things before.

To answer your question, have you heard of limerence? Even if it isn't that. I think you just want someone to be your friend. Your buddy. And that's okay, but friendships take time, this person probably just doesn't see things similarly to you and doesn't want to talk as much maybe, and sadly you just have to accept that or mention it to them, because communication is key in any relationship.

Hopefully you meet someone who can be you friend too. I'm here if you want to talk more about it. :)