Venting i feel like i am already dead

[iamheresoareyou]

hi
i have a lot of thoughts going through my head and it's difficult to put them out there at once
i got out of an abusive relationship recently that started with grooming and conditioning, preying on my insecurities and depression
a relationship where i heard that the only reason why they even considered me was desperation
constatly reminded how ugly and unworthy i am
a relationship where i was hit physically and tormented mentally
they were always trying to make themselves the victims, no matter the pain they caused me
they were aroused when they saw me cry
i lost all my friends because of this relationship
i feel like i lost myself
i find myself crying randomly during the day, experiecing raging suicidal thoughts daily
it's a struggle to connect with anyone, i feel unable to form any form of relationship

 

[Shivali]

I feel you

 

[BBBB]

I am so sorry. I'm glad you shared; we're here for you!

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you've been through and it's beyond awful how humans can create so much harm and cause others to suffer so much. I really do believe that humans are responsible for so much of the torment that sadly exists here in this hellish world and this is simply the reality. But anyway, best wishes.

 

[theboy]

people are cruel and don't understand that words cause a lot of damage
Paz!

 

[iamheresoareyou]

I feel you

it's like.........i went through so much shit that i would rather die honestly
abuse does feel like the act of killing without actual bodies

 

[outrider567]

Yeah I can relate, I feel like I was already dead when she died....might as well be