I feel like a jerk

[Mia11]

Doing that to my family. It will kill them. That's why I'm still here. Hurting them is unbearable to me, but then, I live in agony, and for so long. This life is a prison.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for your circumstances. I'm in the same situation.

 

[Mia11]

Thank you Angelic. I'm sad to know you're in the same situation.

 

[aloneinwinter]

I'm sorry. I remember that feeling. In my case, to be honest, even though they wanted me to not die, they and myself just ended up having such terrible life relationships due to family in-fighting/narcissism etc that now I don't have relationships with them and only have that "problem" with a few friends. It's actually harder now...

 

[almostoutofhere]

I know it will hurt them, but the urge inside of me is too strong

 

[Unending]

I'm in the same boat and am sorry to know that so many of us are burdened with this. My plan was initially to wait until both of my parents were deceased but I've came to the conclusion that this isn't realistic so its more of a matter of holding out as long as I can.

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

Ive had this thought wayyy too many times. At the end of the day, if you believe there is nothing after, then there shouldnt be anything to worry about. If you do worry about after life, then you may very well be in a world of hurt. At the end of the day, remember who is actually worried about you, in the now and in the future. Most people dont truly care about you as much as themselves.

 

[LastFlowers]

I'm sorry. I remember that feeling. In my case, to be honest, even though they wanted me to not die, they and myself just ended up having such terrible life relationships due to family in-fighting/narcissism etc that now I don't have relationships with them and only have that "problem" with a few friends. It's actually harder now...

I find it to be more difficult without it too..maybe in my case it's knowing I'm the only person who will stick up for myself and respect my own wishes, the only person who has access to my inner-world, knows what my potential was, having lived as an isolated individual..being the sole witness to most of my existence and sole comforter during the majority of my suffering.
In killing myself I know I am also killing the only person who could accurately remember and recall me..for who I really am and what I'm really worth.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

People don't tend to appreciate the terrible damned-if-you-do, canned the position suicidal people find themselves in. Does your family have any notion of why you want to die?

 

[jessisme]

Doing that to my family. It will kill them. That's why I'm still here. Hurting them is unbearable to me, but then, I live in agony, and for so long. This life is a prison.

Agree. It is both painful and a tragedy.

 

[FuneralCry]

But after all grief and loss are simply an inevitable consequence of bringing life into this world and even if we don't voluntarily exit this world, we will all still have to die and lose everything someday, death is the most normal and expected thing ever. And anyway family members are the ones who selfishly chose to bring us here into this hellish world, parents caused all of the suffering in the first place just by choosing to procreate.
None of us asked for this, so of course it's our right to leave and people shouldn't feel bad about choosing to do so. But I also see existence as being so incredibly prison like, it certainly can be so awful feeling so trapped here when you wish to set yourself free from the torture that is existing.

 

[hellispink]

Life is a prison. The only way to escape is by not listening to our heads I guess

 

[Heartbroken2022]

Same for me, my family and friends are 100% the only reasons I recently start trying to survive.
Fortunately, suicide is always at the back of my head, especially now that I have chosen my method and way, and this makes me feel much more secure. Some time I will be ready...

 

[Mia11]

Same for me, my family and friends are 100% the only reasons I recently start trying to survive.
Fortunately, suicide is always at the back of my head, especially now that I have chosen my method and way, and this makes me feel much more secure. Some time I will be ready...

That's exactly where I am right now. Someday, it will have to happen.

Life is a prison. The only way to escape is by not listening to our heads I guess

This is exactly it. The thoughts in our head won't give us a break. It's exhausting.

But after all grief and loss are simply an inevitable consequence of bringing life into this world and even if we don't voluntarily exit this world, we will all still have to die and lose everything someday, death is the most normal and expected thing ever. And anyway family members are the ones who selfishly chose to bring us here into this hellish world, parents caused all of the suffering in the first place just by choosing to procreate.
None of us asked for this, so of course it's our right to leave and people shouldn't feel bad about choosing to do so. But I also see existence as being so incredibly prison like, it certainly can be so awful feeling so trapped here when you wish to set yourself free from the torture that is existing.

I feel like you, that existing is a torture. I certainly don't live anymore. I can't even say I'm surviving. Existing is the right term.
I don't see parents as selfish for wanting to have children. They don't know/think that some of their children would not want to live one day. I feel awful to hurt them.
Thank you for your reply, FuneralCry. I often read your posts. You're supportive to everyone here. You have to be a very nice and compassionate person. I'm sorry you and so many have to struggle everyday.

Agree. It is both painful and a tragedy.

I'm sorry you hurt too and yes, it's a tragedy.