I feel heartless for this, am I

[ThatStateOfMind]

My ex told me today that her boyfriend, my old friend's, grandma died. But I feel so heartless. She never knew his grandma, nor much of his family.

I feel nothing for him, I couldn't care less. This isn't anything to do with a worldview perspective or anything, my hatred for him makes me feel nothing for him. It may be blinding me from any sympathy or empathy towards him.

I feel bad for her as there's likely a ton of stress placed on on her but I feel nothing for him. It probably doesn't help that when I recently learned that months ago, when I first found out she was with him, and I had a huge mental breakdown and she comforted me, he got mad at her and told her she should consider his feelings. I was about to grab my shotgun and blow my brains out and if she wasn't there, I probably would have. I was about to get up and go grab it when I heard her come into my house, I had forgot to lock the door in my emotional despair.

I feel nothing for him, I feel nothing for his parents who have berated my ex for being white, and wanting to do a "poor person field", their words, she wants to pursue cosmetology. There's many bad things I could tell you guys about him like he was flirting with her before we broke up, or maybe that he still talks to his ex but wants her to never talk to me again, or him saying other girls are cute around her, there's literally far more, but that's for a different story.

I feel nothing for him, no empathy, he isn't deserving of it. Personally, I feel like this is karma biting him in the ass, which I've been eagerly awaiting.

Am I heartless or cruel for these thoughts?

 

[MidnightDream]

Why would you care? It's not like she was your grandma, and you said yourself you hate him. I wouldn't say it's karma, since yk, old people tend to die, but I think your feelings are entirely valid and certainly not heartless or cruel.

 

[Unwr!tten]

My ex told me today that her boyfriend, my old friend's, grandma died. But I feel so heartless. She never knew his grandma, nor much of his family.

I feel nothing for him, I couldn't care less. This isn't anything to do with a worldview perspective or anything, my hatred for him makes me feel nothing for him. It may be blinding me from any sympathy or empathy towards him.

I feel bad for her as there's likely a ton of stress placed on on her but I feel nothing for him. It probably doesn't help that when I recently learned that months ago, when I first found out she was with him, and I had a huge mental breakdown and she comforted me, he got mad at her and told her she should consider his feelings. I was about to grab my shotgun and blow my brains out and if she wasn't there, I probably would have. I was about to get up and go grab it when I heard her come into my house, I had forgot to lock the door in my emotional despair.

I feel nothing for him, I feel nothing for his parents who have berated my ex for being white, and wanting to do a "poor person field", their words, she wants to pursue cosmetology. There's many bad things I could tell you guys about him like he was flirting with her before we broke up, or maybe that he still talks to his ex but wants her to never talk to me again, or him saying other girls are cute around her, there's literally far more, but that's for a different story.

I feel nothing for him, no empathy, he isn't deserving of it. Personally, I feel like this is karma biting him in the ass, which I've been eagerly awaiting.

Am I heartless or cruel for these thoughts?

No, you are perfectly valid in the way you feel. People always try to sweep hurt, pain and suffering under some rug that's supposed to magically make you feel better but that should never be the case. Feel your emotions, experience them. If we have to live in this world, we at least deserve THAT much.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Why would you care? It's not like she was your grandma, and you said yourself you hate him. I wouldn't say it's karma, since yk, old people tend to die, but I think your feelings are entirely valid and certainly not heartless or cruel.

Yeah it's just odd, I generally feel empathy for this and for me to not feel anything about someone passing, it's just odd to me I guess. And yeah true, about the old person part.

No, you are perfectly valid in the way you feel. People always try to sweep hurt, pain and suffering under some rug that's supposed to magically make you feel better but that should never be the case. Feel your emotions, experience them. If we have to live in this world, we at least deserve THAT much.

Thanks, I've just genuinely struggled with this, because I've been under a lot of stress, and I want to know if it's okay to not feel for him.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Thanks, I've just genuinely struggled with this, because I've been under a lot of stress, and I want to know if it's okay to not feel for him.

It's perfectly okay.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I also want to say I might be posting updates here, if I feel like it rather than starting a new thread. I might get more updates as it goes, they'll be from my ex. I was looking forward to calling her today but due to this situation, I wasn't able to. I don't know what updates there are to come if any, but if I get some, I might post here.

 

[Holu]

AHAHAHA WE SMOKIN ON HIS GRANDMA. Honestly dude as someone whose ex keeps posting her bf while also forces me into contact if I were in your shoes I'd be happy af. Nobody deserves to suffer but I'm a spiteful so let them rot for all I care

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

AHAHAHA WE SMOKIN ON HIS GRANDMA. Honestly dude as someone whose ex keeps posting her bf while also forces me into contact if I were in your shoes I'd be happy af. Nobody deserves to suffer but I'm a spiteful so let them rot for all I care

Dayum lmao. Nah I'm not too spiteful. Also, I do wanna say my ex is not forcing me into contact, if I wanted to I could block her or I could probably even tell her I'd like her not to message me and she'd respect that.

It seems like multiple people on here have similar experiences with exes as you do, I suppose mine is more mundane.

 

[Holu]

Dayum lmao. Nah I'm not too spiteful. Also, I do wanna say my ex is not forcing me into contact, if I wanted to I could block her or I could probably even tell her I'd like her not to message me and she'd respect that.

It seems like multiple people on here have similar experiences with exes as you do, I suppose mine is more mundane.

Nah don't ever look at yours as mundane. Your pain and suffering is just as real if not more significant than anyone else. After all, your the only person to ever walk your shoes. Don't stress any possible disdain, I hope everything works out for u soldier. Regardless stay strong and the rest of our wicked asses are always here for ya.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Nah don't ever look at yours as mundane. Your pain and suffering is just as real if not more significant than anyone else. After all, your the only person to ever walk your shoes. Don't stress any possible disdain, I hope everything works out for u soldier. Regardless stay strong and the rest of our wicked asses are always here for ya.

Thanks, I honestly needed that validation tonight. I've been struggling a lot with intrusive thoughts about my ex, I've thought about her a lot today, and in the past week and I don't even know why. I haven't increased or decreased contact, nothing changed, so I don't know.

And thanks, I do appreciate the support I get from you and everyone else on this forum, I hope I have less intrusive thoughts tomorrow

 

[Holu]

Thanks, I honestly needed that validation tonight. I've been struggling a lot with intrusive thoughts about my ex, I've thought about her a lot today, and in the past week and I don't even know why. I haven't increased or decreased contact, nothing changed, so I don't know.

And thanks, I do appreciate the support I get from you and everyone else on this forum, I hope I have less intrusive thoughts tomorrow

Call me the CEO of intrusive thoughts cuz I got harm OCD which makes me a sadistic motherfucker. Whenever I think about her with him I want nothing more than to see red and hear screams. That being said, they just thoughts. At least atm I haven't acted on them seriously. Best we keep it that way right, and in the case we can't maybe it's best to check up on the bus route b4 we hurt anyone.

Thanks, I honestly needed that validation tonight. I've been struggling a lot with intrusive thoughts about my ex, I've thought about her a lot today, and in the past week and I don't even know why. I haven't increased or decreased contact, nothing changed, so I don't know.

And thanks, I do appreciate the support I get from you and everyone else on this forum, I hope I have less intrusive thoughts tomorrow

Oh and I think my ex gets some pleasure from tormenting me since she maintains contact but dude it's been 4 years since we broke up and I'm still crushed by that shit. Granted, we have done constant situationships(At least I think they were maybe she just wanted attention) and have maintained contact despite my efforts to ghost and cut her off. Sometimes I come crawling back since I'm fucking pathetic. Regardless I have been trapped and this whole "remain friends" shit is my cage. Hopefully your heartbreak passes sooner than later, and we as a depraved and unholy community r here for ya in the meantime.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Call me the CEO of intrusive thoughts cuz I got harm OCD which makes me a sadistic motherfucker. Whenever I think about her with him I want nothing more than to see red and hear screams. That being said, they just thoughts. At least atm I haven't acted on them seriously. Best we keep it that way right, and in the case we can't maybe it's best to check up on the bus route b4 we hurt anyone.

Oh and I think my ex gets some pleasure from tormenting me since she maintains contact but dude it's been 4 years since we broke up and I'm still crushed by that shit. Granted, we have done constant situationships(At least I think they were maybe she just wanted attention) and have maintained contact despite my efforts to ghost and cut her off. Sometimes I come crawling back since I'm fucking pathetic. Regardless I have been trapped and this whole "remain friends" shit is my cage. Hopefully your heartbreak passes sooner than later, and we as a depraved and unholy community r here for ya in the meantime.

That sounds really tough, i don't wanna act like i know how it feels because i don't and that would be disingenuous of me. My intrusive thoughts are more just unwanted thoughts of hoping we'll get back together or just about her in general, or suicide. Those are pretty much it for me.

I hope she doesn't derive pleasure from that, but who knows. It sounds like she's not the best partner for you, and maybe that advice also applies to me but the heart loves who it it loves i guess. Thanks for your reply. If I'm able to stay friends with her, great, if we get back together, great, if not, that's also okay, I'm sure I'll move on and meet new people.

 

[Holu]

That sounds really tough, i don't wanna act like i know how it feels because i don't and that would be disingenuous of me. My intrusive thoughts are more just unwanted thoughts of hoping we'll get back together or just about her in general, or suicide. Those are pretty much it for me.

I hope she doesn't derive pleasure from that, but who knows. It sounds like she's not the best partner for you, and maybe that advice also applies to me but the heart loves who it it loves i guess. Thanks for your reply. If I'm able to stay friends with her, great, if we get back together, great, if not, that's also okay, I'm sure I'll move on and meet new people.

Nah you gud. We cope with our pain in different ways. For me it tends to be a little more violent. Still though I hate pain and witnessing others in pain. Makes me squirm and shit. I mainly think of just ripping at corpses since a dead body aint feel nun. Regardless, them thoughts bumpin round ur head don't seem all too fun or easy to deal with. Just know your very mature in your take, and I wish nothing but the best of luck to you

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Nah you gud. We cope with our pain in different ways. For me it tends to be a little more violent. Still though I hate pain and witnessing others in pain. Makes me squirm and shit. I mainly think of just ripping at corpses since a dead body aint feel nun. Regardless, them thoughts bumpin round ur head don't seem all too fun or easy to deal with. Just know your very mature in your take, and I wish nothing but the best of luck to you

Thanks man, we're all on this site because we're dealing with something, and it's good to have likeminded folks to talk to. I wish you the best as well!

 

[SexyIncél]

Morality doesn't apply to mental objects. Your mind's your universe to do what you please! The only victim of your private thoughts can be you

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Morality doesn't apply to mental objects. Your mind's your universe to do what you please! The only victim of your private thoughts can be you

That's good to hear. It seems the general consensus is that it's okay to not feel bad for someone I hate.

 

[Holu]

That's good to hear. It seems the general consensus is that it's okay to not feel bad for someone I hate.

ILL SAY IT AGAIN WE SMOKIN BROS GRANDMA

This her? Cuz the bitch feel gud in my lungs
Honestly on a more kind note RIP to his grandma no real malice towards her. But ya fuck ur ex's goon hope he's feelin some typa way

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

ILL SAY IT AGAIN WE SMOKIN BROS GRANDMA

This her? Cuz the bitch feel gud in my lungs
Honestly on a more kind note RIP to his grandma no real malice towards her. But ya fuck ur ex's goon hope he's feelin some typa way

Yeah I have no beef with his grandma at all, all things considered she was probably a sweet woman. I could care less about her boyfriend, fuck him %

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Hey, so he also lost his aunt so I'm even more convinced Karma is real. I just learned today that he also lost his aunt a week ago. I feel bad a little because they were both on his moms side and from my understanding, that's the nicer side of his family. I just feel bad that the kinder people are getting taken away.

 

[Holu]

Hey, so he also lost his aunt so I'm even more convinced Karma is real. I just learned today that he also lost his aunt a week ago. I feel bad a little because they were both on his moms side and from my understanding, that's the nicer side of his family. I just feel bad that the kinder people are getting taken away.

ISSA TWO PIECE??? ZAAAMN GONNA HAVE TO LIGHT ME ANOTHER
Also how tf do u kno that's he not just bsing it for sympathy pussy

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

ISSA TWO PIECE??? ZAAAMN GONNA HAVE TO LIGHT ME ANOTHER
Also how tf do u kno that's he not just bsing it for sympathy pussy

Nah I definitely know he isn't lying, it's a small town we live in and word gets around quick. His mom even posted on Facebook about the loss

 

[Holu]

Nah I definitely know he isn't lying, it's a small town we live in and word gets around quick. His mom even posted on Facebook about the loss

 

[MrShino]

From what you've told about him, it's perfectly understandable that you don't feel empathy with him. The fact that you merely feel nothing, rather then rejoicing in his misery tells me you probably are a more forgiving person than the average.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

From what you've told about him, it's perfectly understandable that you don't feel empathy with him. The fact that you merely feel nothing, rather then rejoicing in his misery tells me you probably are a more forgiving person than the average.

Well, I don't really wanna rejoice because it's still loss and I know it stings, but yeah, I don't feel bad for him. His family (besides his parents)? Maybe, him, absolutely not.

 

[MrShino]

Well, I don't really wanna rejoice because it's still loss and I know it stings, but yeah, I don't feel bad for him. His family (besides his parents)? Maybe, him, absolutely not.

Well, yeah, he sounds like a terrible 'friend'.

 

[Holu]

Well, I don't really wanna rejoice because it's still loss and I know it stings, but yeah, I don't feel bad for him. His family (besides his parents)? Maybe, him, absolutely not.

More than most people. Hell I get satisfaction about knowing he's suffering and I barely know you!

That being said everyone on this form is one big ol fucked in the head family so some familiarity ig

 

[that smell]

I don't see why you should care at all. I personally wouldn't give a shit either.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Well, yeah, he sounds like a terrible 'friend'.

He never was a great friend, I don't even know why I was friends with him in the first place, I guess it boils down to similar interests.

More than most people. Hell I get satisfaction about knowing he's suffering and I barely know you!

That being said everyone on this form is one big ol fucked in the head family so some familiarity ig

Yeah, this forum is kinda just like its own community. I've gotten more support here than I have on any other forum.

I don't see why you should care at all. I personally wouldn't give a shit either.

I typically would consider myself somewhat of an "empath" but for him, I feel nothing, I suppose that's what feels odd

 

[starrvingstar]

you have no real connection to the grandma so i dont see why you should feel bad about not feeling anything, it might be hard for her and theres a reason to care or feel bad for someone who you care about who is in pain or a situation that causes such but otherwise there is no valid reason.