Venting i feel guilty about getting better

[shotgun]

I've been clean for a little over two months, it's the most time I've been clean for in the last four years. The people around me also struggle with self harm tendencies. I just feel so guilty seeing them suffer while I'm just not doing it anymore. I got so used to it, it's like a part of me got ripped away.

Recently we were talking about how no matter how many things change and how many things we do, we'll end up dead. It was comforting to hear, although all I can think of now is the way I could just go back to my old habits knowing whatever I'll do I'll just end up dead. Self harming just makes everything a little more comfortable, especially since seeing my cuts getting old stings. It makes my heart heavy and I get bitter thinking that not even my keloid scars were deep enough.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You feel bad that you're not struggling the way people around you are and the feelings of guilt come up as a way of evening the sufferIng you think is unequal. But if you're opposed to suffering, then making yourself suffer doesn't take away from the total amount of suffering people experience.

Even if it doesn't matter in the end you still deserve a good journey there.

 

[shotgun]

You feel bad that you're not struggling the way people around you are and the feelings of guilt come up as a way of evening the suffering you think is unequal. But if you're opposed to suffering, then making yourself suffering doesn't take away from the total amount of suffering people experience.

Even if it doesn't matter in the end you still deserve a good journey there.

I've been staring at this, reading over it again and again for about 10 minutes without moving. It might seem like just another comment on just another post but I'd like to thank you. I hope whatever is the best in life finds you and helps you the way you help people.