ropemaxxingorsmth
Member
- Feb 9, 2026
- 11
I can't smile without feeling how weird my mouth must look, it's so cruel that any amount of joy I experience is bundled with a reminder of how disgusting I am. I've always been made fun of for looking objectively ugly for my entire life and I feel nauseous from anxiety just existing. I wish I just felt hopeless instead of actually being genetically fucked. I'm not sure if it's still social anxiety if every interaction I have with another person just proves my fears and that I never had a chance to be human. I really don't want to die but when my parents and brother do I'll just go literally insane unless I pay for a therapist just to have someone to talk to. I just want to sit in a room and feel human and be able to do literally anything without constantly thinking about how weird I look doing it.
The last friend group I had just used me as a punching bag and I just sat there and took it for a while, but there was one of them I talked to basically every day and he was the nicest to me out of all of them and at least apologized for what he said before and I was dumb enough to think that he could look past my face and actually value me as a person. When he had to choose between not inviting the guy who made a bunch of racist "jokes" about me looking subhuman even though he specified multiple times while saying it to me that he wasn't joking he obviously didn't side with me.
AND TO MAKE IT EVEN WORSE I DEVELOPED A TREMOR THAT AFFECTS MY VOICE SO I CAN"T EVEN TALK TO PEOPLE ONLINE.
I can't believe that my only chance at conscious existence is completely wasted by my looks.
The last friend group I had just used me as a punching bag and I just sat there and took it for a while, but there was one of them I talked to basically every day and he was the nicest to me out of all of them and at least apologized for what he said before and I was dumb enough to think that he could look past my face and actually value me as a person. When he had to choose between not inviting the guy who made a bunch of racist "jokes" about me looking subhuman even though he specified multiple times while saying it to me that he wasn't joking he obviously didn't side with me.
AND TO MAKE IT EVEN WORSE I DEVELOPED A TREMOR THAT AFFECTS MY VOICE SO I CAN"T EVEN TALK TO PEOPLE ONLINE.
I can't believe that my only chance at conscious existence is completely wasted by my looks.
