Venting I feel detached from my own depression

[spacefreightergirl]

I just don't really feel anything anymore, but it's not particularly sadness. Just apathy. I think that's my biggest driver to CTB. In the past even when I was depressed and crying all the time I'd still be able to look outside and appreciate the sun. I'd look at buildings and appreciate their beauty. Even through sadness I loved colors, I loved music, I loved people. I can't even do that anymore. At some point in the past 2 years I've become a vessel of something that was supposed to be human. I don't have any interests anymore. I don't really care about anything or anyone as long as it doesn't bother me much – I can still appreciate something when it's convenient for me. Whatever feels good is technically better than nothing at all. But it also doesn't mean I look for it. I don't have the energy or the money or the will for that. Soon I'll be nothing, and for once my body will represent how I've felt for so long, nothingness.

 

[Hollowman]

Very relatable

 

[ravendrops]

I

I just don't really feel anything anymore, but it's not particularly sadness. Just apathy. I think that's my biggest driver to CTB. In the past even when I was depressed and crying all the time I'd still be able to look outside and appreciate the sun. I'd look at buildings and appreciate their beauty. Even through sadness I loved colors, I loved music, I loved people. I can't even do that anymore. At some point in the past 2 years I've become a vessel of something that was supposed to be human. I don't have any interests anymore. I don't really care about anything or anyone as long as it doesn't bother me much – I can still appreciate something when it's convenient for me. Whatever feels good is technically better than nothing at all. But it also doesn't mean I look for it. I don't have the energy or the money or the will for that. Soon I'll be nothing, and for once my body will represent how I've felt for so long, nothingness.

feel this profoundly too