I feel closer to CTB than I ever have

[MYTHoLogic]

I have been suicidal on and off for serveral years now. Each time I get suicidal I feel like I progress down a road, starting again where I left off last time. But this time it feels different. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to the end of the road. I'm still unsure whether I will do it or not but, I at least want an option ready to go at a moments notice.
I'm looking at SN as my method. Potentially found a vender, have ordered some meto first as it is cheaper but who knows whether it's a scam or if it will arrive.

I'm trying everything I can think of to stay alive, to stay hopeful, to find some sort of meaning to this painful existance. Been in therapy for nearly 2 years. There has been excessive psychedelic use in the past and even now am planning on taking mushrooms soon to reignite some sort of will to live. I said to myself last year that I would "give it another year" And seeing how this year turned out I said I would extend that until next year. If I'm being honest with myself; I think next year will be my last. If this vender checks out and I get my hands on SN and some meto then I'll probably do it early next year.

I'm going to miss life so much but I just can't do this for much longer

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry that in spite of doing your best, you still wanna CTB but it seems most of us are bound to be "unhappy" and CTB.
Wish you the best with your method and hope you can find peace!

 

[MYTHoLogic]

Finding this place has made a big difference tho. Pretty sweet community!

 

[Endeavour]

I've noticed a few stories in the news about people killing themselves recently (UK), I imagine the number is going to go up a lot, especially since I expect next year is going to be worse than this one.

 

[mlmc045]

I have been suicidal on and off for serveral years now. Each time I get suicidal I feel like I progress down a road, starting again where I left off last time. But this time it feels different. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to the end of the road. I'm still unsure whether I will do it or not but, I at least want an option ready to go at a moments notice.
I'm looking at SN as my method. Potentially found a vender, have ordered some meto first as it is cheaper but who knows whether it's a scam or if it will arrive.

I'm trying everything I can think of to stay alive, to stay hopeful, to find some sort of meaning to this painful existance. Been in therapy for nearly 2 years. There has been excessive psychedelic use in the past and even now am planning on taking mushrooms soon to reignite some sort of will to live. I said to myself last year that I would "give it another year" And seeing how this year turned out I said I would extend that until next year. If I'm being honest with myself; I think next year will be my last. If this vender checks out and I get my hands on SN and some meto then I'll probably do it early next year.

I'm going to miss life so much but I just can't do this for much longer

Firstly, I'm so sorry you feel that way, I hope things get better so you can continue experiencing life if that's what you want.
I hope you find your peace, or something that gives you hope

Have you tried LSD? Did you find it helped?
I've been reading about ayahuasca journeys recently and find them fascinating

Sending love and light x

 

[NodusTollens]

Firstly, I'm so sorry you feel that way, I hope things get better so you can continue experiencing life if that's what you want.
I hope you find your peace, or something that gives you hope

Have you tried LSD? Did you find it helped?
I've been reading about ayahuasca journeys recently and find them fascinating

Sending love and light x

Have you seen the Last Shaman?

It's a doc about a severely depressed man who attempts to use ayahuasca as his last chance to turn his life around.

 

[mlmc045]

Have you seen the Last Shaman?

It's a doc about a severely depressed man who attempts to use ayahuasca as his last chance to turn his life around.

I haven't but I'll definitely check it out. Thank you so much!!

 

[NodusTollens]

I haven't but I'll definitely check it out. Thank you so much!!

No problem, glad to help.

 

[MYTHoLogic]

Holy shit, the website wasn't a scam. It's been shipped with a working tracking number! WHOO!