Venting Think I'll kill myself next year if I don't graduate

[Mint Floss]

Been trying to get my GED for the past several years. Next year will be four years. Someone will have gone through the entirety of high school in the time my bloated braindead self sat on my ass too fucking stupid to do shit. I just realized that if I go to college I'll be 26 by the time I graduate. Can't do this shit... I'm a worthless loser could never survive in the real world.

Even if I graduate, what the hell am I going to do?? I'm a critical failure in every aspect. Never succeeded at anything, Could never lead a good life. I hate myself

 

[hoppybunny]

Gosh that sucks. I don't know if this will just piss you off or help, but please don't base your self worth off of other people's timelines. Everyone has different journeys. To me what matters is if you are enjoying it or care about the destination.

If you think you should kill yourself simply because you're comparing yourself to other people then I think you should reevaluate your reason for suicide. However if you're just having a terrible time and you're not interested in finding what to do with your life or continuing then I wish you peace regardless of your choice.

But going to college "late" or not having a GED yet are not something you need to be ashamed of at all. Anyone who judges you is a stupid loser. If you're self consious about having a degree at 26, community colleges have people of all ages for associates and nowadays there are accreddited online schools you can attend as long as it's not medical school or engineering where you must be in person.

How are you studying for your GED? How you study plays a big role on if you pass? Maybe the method you're using is not working for you,



There's also the option of trades (everyone acts like this is a ticket to escaping the machine but I personally hate it. Manual labour and me don't mix and physical pain triggers my suicidality to the max. At most for manual labour I could be a janitor but then cleaning bathrooms would trigger my germophobia)

Coding bootcamps are thing if you wanna risk unemployment in tech like me.

The arts are great if you don't care about money and are just looking for fulfillment,

Labour in general is sucky so don't feel like you're worthless cause you don't know what you want to do . Nobody dreams of labour.

If you can maybe look into something you enjoy or don't hate doing and see if you can see yourself working there.

Like i love libraries and was considering librarian till I found out they needed master's degrees,

Sorry for my rambling.

 

[Daisy88_99]

Gosh that sucks. I don't know if this will just piss you off or help, but please don't base your self worth off of other people's timelines. Everyone has different journeys. To me what matters is if you are enjoying it or care about the destination.

If you think you should kill yourself simply because you're comparing yourself to other people then I think you should reevaluate your reason for suicide. However if you're just having a terrible time and you're not interested in finding what to do with your life or continuing then I wish you peace regardless of your choice.

But going to college "late" or not having a GED yet are not something you need to be ashamed of at all. Anyone who judges you is a stupid loser. If you're self consious about having a degree at 26, community colleges have people of all ages for associates and nowadays there are accreddited online schools you can attend as long as it's not medical school or engineering where you must be in person.

How are you studying for your GED? How you study plays a big role on if you pass? Maybe the method you're using is not working for you,



There's also the option of trades (everyone acts like this is a ticket to escaping the machine but I personally hate it. Manual labour and me don't mix and physical pain triggers my suicidality to the max. At most for manual labour I could be a janitor but then cleaning bathrooms would trigger my germophobia)

Coding bootcamps are thing if you wanna risk unemployment in tech like me.

The arts are great if you don't care about money and are just looking for fulfillment,

Labour in general is sucky so don't feel like you're worthless cause you don't know what you want to do . Nobody dreams of labour.

If you can maybe look into something you enjoy or don't hate doing and see if you can see yourself working there.

Like i love libraries and was considering librarian till I found out they needed master's degrees,

Sorry for my rambling.

Amazing reply. I couldn't say anything more.

 

[Mint Floss]

Gosh that sucks. I don't know if this will just piss you off or help, but please don't base your self worth off of other people's timelines. Everyone has different journeys. To me what matters is if you are enjoying it or care about the destination.

If you think you should kill yourself simply because you're comparing yourself to other people then I think you should reevaluate your reason for suicide. However if you're just having a terrible time and you're not interested in finding what to do with your life or continuing then I wish you peace regardless of your choice.

But going to college "late" or not having a GED yet are not something you need to be ashamed of at all. Anyone who judges you is a stupid loser. If you're self consious about having a degree at 26, community colleges have people of all ages for associates and nowadays there are accreddited online schools you can attend as long as it's not medical school or engineering where you must be in person.

How are you studying for your GED? How you study plays a big role on if you pass? Maybe the method you're using is not working for you,



There's also the option of trades (everyone acts like this is a ticket to escaping the machine but I personally hate it. Manual labour and me don't mix and physical pain triggers my suicidality to the max. At most for manual labour I could be a janitor but then cleaning bathrooms would trigger my germophobia)

Coding bootcamps are thing if you wanna risk unemployment in tech like me.

The arts are great if you don't care about money and are just looking for fulfillment,

Labour in general is sucky so don't feel like you're worthless cause you don't know what you want to do . Nobody dreams of labour.

If you can maybe look into something you enjoy or don't hate doing and see if you can see yourself working there.

Like i love libraries and was considering librarian till I found out they needed master's degrees,

Sorry for my rambling.

I don't know. I don't have a destination and I'm certainly not enjoying the journey.
I only have access to the internet, so I'm doing it that way. But I'm terrible at keeping up with stuff, so usually I go months without doing anything, because I get too distracted or scared of trying.

Funnily enough, I also wanted to be a park ranger before realizing you needed a masters too. Unfortunate, I would have liked to work in nature, one of the only jobs I could see myself content.

 

[hoppybunny]

I don't know. I don't have a destination and I'm certainly not enjoying the journey.
I only have access to the internet, so I'm doing it that way. But I'm terrible at keeping up with stuff, so usually I go months without doing anything, because I get too distracted or scared of trying.

Funnily enough, I also wanted to be a park ranger before realizing you needed a masters too. Unfortunate, I would have liked to work in nature, one of the only jobs I could see myself content.

Holy shit!! a masters for a park ranger!!! this world is so fucking unfair. So sorry. Are you sure there's no other positions at national parks that don't require masters? It just seems terrible to put such a high barrier in front of a much needed job.
You might want to check here out to see if there's anything you'd be willing to try and if it pays enough or if there are enough jobs to sustain you: https://www.onetonline.org/link/summary/45-4011.00

Work for Us (U.S. National Park Service)

Explore opportunities to work for the National Park Service, from paid employment to student positions to volunteer positions.

www.nps.gov

Become A Law Enforcement Ranger (U.S. National Park Service)

www.nps.gov

Conservation Scientists and Foresters

Conservation scientists and foresters manage the land quality of forests, parks, rangelands, and other natural resources.

www.bls.gov

Home | US Forest Service

Caring for the Land and Serving People

www.fs.usda.gov

If you find something you think you can make a goal. I highly reccomend trying it out. Studying for a GED or living will be easier if you have a goal. Plus you may enjoy life more. Best case scenario, you have fun and are no longer suicidal, worst case scenario, you held off on suicide for a few more years. I don't think there's much to lose if you try something out. Suicide will always be an option for you.

Also i understand that fear of being unable to keep up with things. If you're just using youtube videos i recommend doing a course and just spending an entire day on it. WOrking in bursts usually help me cause i'm terrible at keeping up with things. I've learned entire courses in one day by just doing it one sitting. Like i work for 30 minutes watch anime or read comics for 5 minutes and then repeat like for more times then take a 1 hour break to eat, take a bath or watch a movie.

Didn't work for me these past for days tho. cause i'm studying for a job i don't want and am technically being forced to do.

Good luck tho. I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace.

sorry again that this world is so shitty.

 

[Mint Floss]

Holy shit!! a masters for a park ranger!!! this world is so fucking unfair. So sorry. Are you sure there's no other positions at national parks that don't require masters? It just seems terrible to put such a high barrier in front of a much needed job.
You might want to check here out to see if there's anything you'd be willing to try and if it pays enough or if there are enough jobs to sustain you: https://www.onetonline.org/link/summary/45-4011.00

Work for Us (U.S. National Park Service)

Explore opportunities to work for the National Park Service, from paid employment to student positions to volunteer positions.

www.nps.gov

Become A Law Enforcement Ranger (U.S. National Park Service)

www.nps.gov

Conservation Scientists and Foresters

Conservation scientists and foresters manage the land quality of forests, parks, rangelands, and other natural resources.

www.bls.gov

Home | US Forest Service

Caring for the Land and Serving People

www.fs.usda.gov

If you find something you think you can make a goal. I highly reccomend trying it out. Studying for a GED or living will be easier if you have a goal. Plus you may enjoy life more. Best case scenario, you have fun and are no longer suicidal, worst case scenario, you held off on suicide for a few more years. I don't think there's much to lose if you try something out. Suicide will always be an option for you.

Also i understand that fear of being unable to keep up with things. If you're just using youtube videos i recommend doing a course and just spending an entire day on it. WOrking in bursts usually help me cause i'm terrible at keeping up with things. I've learned entire courses in one day by just doing it one sitting. Like i work for 30 minutes watch anime or read comics for 5 minutes and then repeat like for more times then take a 1 hour break to eat, take a bath or watch a movie.

Didn't work for me these past for days tho. cause i'm studying for a job i don't want and am technically being forced to do.

Good luck tho. I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace.

sorry again that this world is so shitty.

Sometimes I think about joining the firewatch, get to live in the woods, away from people and all that. Probably inspired by that one game that I like. Sometimes I worry I'm not atheletic enough for that kind of job. My body has somewhat atrophied.

But thank you for this

I hope things go well for you!

 

[PanaxMan]

Been trying to get my GED for the past several years. Next year will be four years. Someone will have gone through the entirety of high school in the time my bloated braindead self sat on my ass too fucking stupid to do shit. I just realized that if I go to college I'll be 26 by the time I graduate. Can't do this shit... I'm a worthless loser could never survive in the real world.

Even if I graduate, what the hell am I going to do?? I'm a critical failure in every aspect. Never succeeded at anything, Could never lead a good life. I hate myself

My brother is 100x worse no ged at 24 and bullshitting me with his takes. You are doing the best that you can and not being a procrastinatior.