I failed

[Menschenmühle]

Five days ago, I tried to end my life through full suspension hanging. I headed to my hometown, walked to the forest, made all the necessary preparations,etc... Unfortunately for me, I was found by the forest guard who proceeded to call the police.

They took to me the police station, called my family members, and then accompanied me to a mental ward. The existence of this institution serves more as a punishment than a treatment, for daring to go against society's norms. They forced me to take injections and other meds which are supposed to "calm me down".
Unfortunately I can't keep writing any further, the stream of my thought feels all convoluted due to all those medications. The whole experience was a nightmare, and it hasn't deterred me one bit from the thought of ending it all.

So the moral of the story is to always take all the precautions if you wish to ctb, or else you'll end up like me, or far far worse.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so awful what you went through. It's really so unfair how we live in this cruel world that doesn't respect people's right to die but is instead focused on prolonging suffering and trying to force people to endure a life that they never asked for. Other people really should have no right to interfere, but unfortunately they will which is why I agree that it's necessary to take precautions and do planning to reduce the chance of the attempt being interrupted.

 

[GasMonkey]

What if you don't talk or say anything and just go away? Can they arrest you without having commited any crime?

 

[toforigivelife]

I'm sorry that you're to the point of suicide and I'm so sorry that because your method failed that you're worse off now than you were before.

If you had an illness of the body you would not have been punished for almost dying.

They still see illnesses of the mind as something we can control but that we just refuse to. Like we enjoy being to the point of suicide.

Suicide always comes with a sense of ambivalence. But if you've thought this through and truly feel that this is the best decision for you I hope that you can find an effective method and that you have a peaceful transition.

(Do I dare think something good will come of this? That your family will help you to find the answers and relief that you need? If not, I wish you a peaceful journey out of this life. )

 

[Felix007]

shit man thats horrible! were you already unconscious when they found you? or were you still in the act of doing it?

 

[Menschenmühle]

I'm already out of that shithole, I tried my best to tell them that I regret my act and that it was due to immense stress. However, my family is keeping me on suicidewatch, and I'm still forced to take antidepressants. If I don't comply I'll be hospitalized again. It's okay though, sooner or later, I'll be free again, and redo the deed. This time, I hope my luck doesn't betray me.

shit man thats horrible! were you already unconscious when they found you? or were you still in the act of doing it?

No , I was just about to put my neck on the noose, and then the bastard saw me.

 

[FuneralGrey]

I'm sorry you had to go through that experience, it truly sounds awful. No one deserves to be forcefully detained and medicated like that.

I'm glad you're out and back with us, though, and that you weren't found just in time to save your life but leave you brain damaged. I hope you can find the peace you are after soon.

 

[whitefeather]

Thankyou. You write beautifully. Everyone needs a quiet safe place to die .

 

[AstroV]

This is my worst fear. Failing and ending up in a worse spot.

 

[StolenLife]

I'm so sorry this happened. However I'm glad that you are out of the ward at least.

 

[makethepainstop]

The problem with being thought of as crazy, is they can in some jurisdictions, FORCEABLY medicate you.

 

[Menschenmühle]

It tears my heart to see the state my family is in, I'm such a piece of shit, and yet I still want to end it. I don't know what to do anymore, god why does it have to be like this?

 

[AlighieriTTT]

What if you don't talk or say anything and just go away? Can they arrest you without having commited any crime?

At least in the United States, yes, yes they can. I should clarify they technically are not arresting you, even though the experiences are similar. As long as the police have reasonable suspicion of that you are mentally unwell, they can detain you and send you to a hospital, in most states you can be held for up to 3 days before you are seen by a psychiatrist and admitted/released.

 

[CandyCane]

Ugh, forced institutionalization is useless. I read a few studies that people suicide MORE after than no intervention. But they're getting paid to hold you there.

 

[almaranthine]

At least in the United States, yes, yes they can. I should clarify they technically are not arresting you, even though the experiences are similar. As long as the police have reasonable suspicion of that you are mentally unwell, they can detain you and send you to a hospital, in most states you can be held for up to 3 days before you are seen by a psychiatrist and admitted/released.

They can forcibly medicate you while you are in the institution but they can't force you to take medication upon your release. Unfortunately, many people have family or others that try to force the medication on them after the fact.

 

[CandyCane]

They can forcibly medicate you while you are in the institution but they can't force you to take medication upon your release. Unfortunately, many people have family or others that try to force the medication on them after the fact.

I was taken in once and they told me they couldn't medicate me without my consent. I declined. Maybe it was just my state.

 

[insomni_yak001]

I'm so so sorry- something similar happened to me. I ordered N from D and my parents found it and I was taken in by the police and involuntarily hospitalized for weeks, and then stuck in residential treatment for 5 months. (it obviously didn't work or help). It was traumatizing. The need to die to escape the pain is traumatizing enough. I'm so sorry <3

 

[Someone123]

I was taken in once and they told me they couldn't medicate me without my consent. I declined. Maybe it was just my state.

I think this is true in the U.S. in general.

 

[lifeORdeath]

I was taken in once and they told me they couldn't medicate me without my consent. I declined. Maybe it was just my state.

From my experience they can force outpatient therapy, court ordered on a person.and if they don't show up, it could be contempt

 

[CandyCane]

From my experience they can force outpatient therapy, court ordered on a person.and if they don't show up, it could be contempt

It *may* depend on diagnosis. I am not bipolar, although those psychiatrists sure do try to go there when desperate, and I do not experience psychosis aka not "severely mentally ill"

 

[theboy]

damn!
the uncomfortable feeling of surviving an attempt is hard to accept.
I hope you are better

 

[almaranthine]

I think this is true in the U.S. in general.

I was 100% medicated against my will in 2015 and put on 3 antipsychotic drugs at one time. It was roughly explained to me that if I didn't take the prescribed medication I would not be able to leave... maybe that's the loophole they use to coerce people into taking the drugs. Idk, it's effective though.

 

[Someone123]

I was 100% medicated against my will in 2015 and put on 3 antipsychotic drugs at one time. It was roughly explained to me that if I didn't take the prescribed medication I would not be able to leave... maybe that's the loophole they use to coerce people into taking the drugs. Idk, it's effective though.

Was this in ths u.s? If they did this I think they lied, but they know they have you and you can't defend yourself. They can make exceptions for a violent person or other grey area excpoetions and they likely abused this.

 

[almaranthine]

Was this in ths u.s? If they did this I think they lied, but they know they have you and you can't defend yourself. They can make exceptions for a violent person or other grey area excpoetions and they likely abused this.

Yeah. In Florida. Worst part was the meds didn't help me at all and I left that hospital even more psychotic/manic than I was before and ended up getting in a bad car accident because they didn't explain to my family picking me up that I shouldn't be driving.

 

[Seiko]

Ugh, forced institutionalization is useless. I read a few studies that people suicide MORE after than no intervention. But they're getting paid to hold you there.

Which was my experience. I got a little too honest with a therapist and ended up in a place I couldn't get out of. I don't know if the place I went to was just a bad part of the city—but the staff there were miserable and took it out on us. Forcing suicidal people to go to inpatient facilities is a flawed morality.

 

[CandyCane]

Which was my experience. I got a little too honest with a therapist and ended up in a place I couldn't get out of. I don't know if the place I went to was just a bad part of the city—but the staff there were miserable and took it out on us. Forcing suicidal people to go to inpatient facilities is a flawed morality.