I ended up on Sanctioned Suicide because when I wanted to live the help I needed didnt exist

[FireFox]

I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts since the age of 21 and all I wanted was to be normal, happy and finding my true place in this world. First I tried to get help under the NHS and had difficulty getting help.
My experiences with the NHS:
●https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-at-21-and-i-got-no-help-from-the-nhs.137949/

I did reach out to family and friends about feeling depressed after my 21st birthday but nobody wanted to listen. My close friends in my law class began to avoided me at university and stopped talking to me when I mentioned I was suicidal. My family treated me like an inconvenience to their lives when I reached out and complained how I am making things difficult for the family and just kept saying " you have your whole ahead of you" and never listening. My family are those religious people who raised me to believe in "everything happens for a reason" and "trusting in God's plan" . I resent my family for raising me this way because I have no coping skills in dealing with rejection and things going wrong. People say if you have family relatives you will never feel alone but I have all these relatives and I am the most loneliest person right now. My relatives are just a disappointment and constantly love using others. Worst of all I have relatives who love seeing other people fail and suffer. I envy people who don't have relatives, no relatives are better than having ones who don't care about you. In my family's eyes the relatives can do no wrong and put up with all their freeloading and emotional abuse and expect me to do the same. What did I do so wrong to get the worst relatives ever ?

I even got builled out of a community of depression sufferers during the pandemic:
●https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...mmunity-by-other-depression-sufferers.139989/

I really did try in many ways to improve my life. At 25 in 2022 it was finally coming together. I went travelling then coming back from travelling I got a high paying job in a large corporation and so many good things were finally happening to me then 2023 it all came crashing down rapidly. Forced to see awful relatives again overseas, got heartbroken badly, got fired from my first ever full time job since graduating university, suicidal thoughts came back and anoxeria spiralled out of control. Getting into a masters programme last year was the only good thing I had then not being able to start because of last minute fianacial issues I finally gave up. I am fed up of nothing going right in my life. At 26 I am still unsuccessful with men while everyone else is getting married. Everyday I am absolutely disappointed how my life has turned out with nothing to show for it. Knowing everything I know now I would have killed myself in my teenage than to go through chaotic 20s I am currently going through

Now at 26 I have finally decided there is no help for me to improve my life and I have no one I can talk too in real life. I am finally tired of it all. Life isn't for me. I don't belong here in this world. The world is just enormous and I can't navatigate it. I am a small fish in a large pond, an immature young woman who failed to mature into a real woman. I really did try to life but nobody saw.

 

[theboy]

I am sorry you are in this situation. there are families that hurt others, as I see is your case. i hope you find hope. what is your plan now?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You seem more mature and accomplished than me and I'm not that much younger than you (I'm 21 btw). I'm sorry about the sitaution with your family.

 

[deadhead12!]

I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts since the age of 21 and all I wanted was to be normal, happy and finding my true place in this world. First I tried to get help under the NHS and had difficulty getting help.
My experiences with the NHS:
●https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-at-21-and-i-got-no-help-from-the-nhs.137949/

I did reach out to family and friends about feeling depressed after my 21st birthday but nobody wanted to listen. My close friends in my law class began to avoided me at university and stopped talking to me when I mentioned I was suicidal. My family treated me like an inconvenience to their lives when I reached out and complained how I am making things difficult for the family. My family are those religious people who raised me to believe in "everything happens for a reason" and "trusting in God's plan" . I resent my family for raising me this way because I have no coping skills in dealing with rejection and things going wrong. People say if you have family relatives you will never feel alone but I have all these relatives and I am the most loneliest person right now. My relatives are just a disappointment and constantly love using others. Worst of all I have relatives who love seeing other people fail and suffer. I envy people who don't have relatives, no relatives are better than having ones who don't care about you. In my family's eyes the relatives can do no wrong and put up with all their freeloading and emotional abuse and expect me to do the same. What did I do so wrong to get the worst relatives ever ?

I even got builled out of a community of depression sufferers during the pandemic:
●https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...mmunity-by-other-depression-sufferers.139989/

I really did try in many ways to improve my life. At 25 in 2022 it was finally coming together. I went travelling then coming back from travelling I got a high paying job in a large corporation and so many good things were finally happening to me then 2023 it all came crashing down rapidly. Forced to see awful relatives again overseas, got heartbroken badly, got fired from my first ever full time job since graduating university, suicidal thoughts came back and anoxeria spiralled out of control. Getting into a masters programme last year was the only good thing I had then not being able to start because of last minute fianacial issues I finally gave up. I am fed up of nothing going right in my life. At 26 I am still unsuccessful with men while everyone else is getting married. Everyday I am absolutely disappointed how my life has turned out with nothing to show for it. Knowing everything I know now I would have killed myself in my teenage than to go through chaotic 20s

Now at 26 I have finally decided there is no help for me to improve my life and I have no one I can talk too in real life. I am finally tired of it all. Life isn't for me. I don't belong here in this world. The world is just enormous and I can't navatigate it. I am a small fish in a large pond, an immature young woman who failed to mature into a real woman. I really did try to life but nobody saw.

I think we are living parallel lives. I'm 26 as well and relate to all of your feelings. I became extremely suicidal and sought help everywhere possible and I'm out of options now.

 

[FireFox]

I am sorry you are in this situation. there are families that hurt others, as I see is your case. i hope you find hope. what is your plan now?

@theboy I plan to give life one more try and if it faills I am killing myself at 30. When I kill myself I can say at least I tried and fought till the very end

It is so annoying I don't have the freedom nor voice to express my real disatification with my relatives because of my family's culture. White westerners in the UK where I live and white westerners on reddit and discord think it is easy to cut off family relatives. SOME cultures people do not have that option.

I am a child of immigrants wheras my parents and grandparents from an African country. In African culture generally what your relatives think of your family and how other people think of your family is a massive deal. Reputation matters as a result we are not allowed criticise the elders of the family even if they are wrong. It is because it seen as disrepct. We are not allowed to do anything that will embrass the family. Who you marry and what career you have matters to the family relatives etc.

Being a child of immigrants comes with enormous pressure to be successful and to comform to family norms. Its not children with parents from Africa who experience this but children from Asian families too.

I can only cut off contact when my mum dies because if I did it now she will never ever cope with the neverending criticism and gossip from these relatives. She along with my grandmother care way too much what these pathetic people think and my mum even gave me a hard time when I pointed out this family caras too much what these relatives think.

No collection of relatives should ever have that amount of influence over other people's lives but too many families allow it to happen in the name of culture and religion.

I think we are living parallel lives. I'm 26 as well and relate to all of your feelings. I became extremely suicidal and sought help everywhere possible and I'm out of options now.

@deadhead12! I hate now people say seek help as if it is so easy. If it was that easy to get help for our mental health issues we would all doing it and this site probably wouldn't exist or have many members like it does today.

● Like I have mentioned before therapy is inaccessible to many people. In the UK people face long NHS waiting times to see a therapist the waiting times vary from area to area and going to private is very expensive. An individual on low income will not spend £60 for a 1 hour session with a therapist if they can't afford to pay the household bills.

-https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-same-people-who-say-go-see-a-therapist-have-no-idea-how-inaccessible-therapy-is.130946/

-https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/in-the-uk-therapy-is-a-luxury-for-the-middle-class-and-wealthy.149270/#post-2322777

● Not everyone has caring friends and family who will stick by them in the aftermath of a suicide attempt or mental health crisis. There are many cases of people who attempt suicide that have lost support from friends and have been met with cruel judgment from family members.

● Not everyone has access to means and rescources to help improve their lives. A poor quality life can impact a person's mental state. There millions of people on low income or average incomes and talented university educated graduates who want to better their careers but struggle to get the help to do so because the job market is not fair. Employers do not want to train and have unfair demands of what they want in candidate. An entry level job now demands more than a couple of years experience.
How is this fair ?

People with disabilities struggle in getting help and support for their condition and still face discrimination in society despite the existence of anti discrimination laws. LGBT + people still face discrimination and not all LGBT + people have a support system. This is an enormous issue for LGBT + youth in the UK who have religious parents or parents from a different culture hostile to LGBT + such young people face being disowned or even killed by their families.

The list of social inequalities in our society is just endless

How are people supposed to improve their lives if the system is not letting them ?
Sucide forums are an end result of a society neglecting it's most vunlerable. People who are vunlerable will seek a community where people understand them and will not judge them.

 

[theboy]

@theboy I plan to give life one more try and if it faills I am killing myself at 30. When I kill myself I can say at least I tried and fought till the very end

It is so annoying I don't have the freedom nor voice to express my real disatification with my relatives because of my family's culture. White westerners in the UK where I live and white westerners on reddit and discord think it is easy to cut off family relatives. SOME cultures people do not have that option.

I am a child of immigrants wheras my parents and grandparents from an African country. In African culture generally what your relatives think of your family and how other people think of your family is a massive deal. Reputation matters as a result we are not allowed criticise the elders of the family even if they are wrong. It is because it seen as disrepct. We are not allowed to do anything that will embrass the family. Who you marry and what career you have matters to the family relatives etc.

Being a child of immigrants comes with enormous pressure to be successful and to comform to family norms. Its not children with parents from Africa who experience this but children from Asian families too.

I can only cut off contact when my mum dies because if I did it now she will never ever cope with the neverending criticism and gossip from these relatives. She along with my grandmother care way too much what these pathetic people think and my mum even gave me a hard time when I pointed out this family caras too much what these relatives think.

No collection of relatives should ever have that amount of influence over other people's lives but too many families allow it to happen in the name of culture and religion.

Wow, I didn't know that about your culture. It sounds like it's very strict and harsh. It's a different culture and it really doesn't seem healthy. I hope you can hang in there and maybe, change the scheme of how your relatives think. Pm anything

 

[Linda]

@theboy I plan to give life one more try and if it faills I am killing myself at 30. When I kill myself I can say at least I tried and fought till the very end

It is so annoying I don't have the freedom nor voice to express my real disatification with my relatives because of my family's culture. White westerners in the UK where I live and white westerners on reddit and discord think it is easy to cut off family relatives. SOME cultures people do not have that option.

I am a child of immigrants wheras my parents and grandparents from an African country. In African culture generally what your relatives think of your family and how other people think of your family is a massive deal. Reputation matters as a result we are not allowed criticise the elders of the family even if they are wrong. It is because it seen as disrepct. We are not allowed to do anything that will embrass the family. Who you marry and what career you have matters to the family relatives etc.

Being a child of immigrants comes with enormous pressure to be successful and to comform to family norms. Its not children with parents from Africa who experience this but children from Asian families too.

I can only cut off contact when my mum dies because if I did it now she will never ever cope with the neverending criticism and gossip from these relatives. She along with my grandmother care way too much what these pathetic people think and my mum even gave me a hard time when I pointed out this family caras too much what these relatives think.

No collection of relatives should ever have that amount of influence over other people's lives but too many families allow it to happen in the name of culture and religion.

@deadhead12! I hate now people say seek help as if it is so easy. If it was that easy to get help for our mental health issues we would all doing it and this site probably wouldn't exist or have many members like it does today.

● Like I have mentioned before therapy is inaccessible to many people. In the UK people face long NHS waiting times to see a therapist the waiting times vary from area to area and going to private is very expensive. An individual on low income will not spend £60 for a 1 hour session with a therapist if they can't afford to pay the household bills.

-https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-same-people-who-say-go-see-a-therapist-have-no-idea-how-inaccessible-therapy-is.130946/

-https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/in-the-uk-therapy-is-a-luxury-for-the-middle-class-and-wealthy.149270/#post-2322777

● Not everyone has caring friends and family who will stick by them in the aftermath of a suicide attempt or mental health crisis. There are many cases of people who attempt suicide that have lost support from friends and have been met with cruel judgment from family members.

● Not everyone has access to means and rescources to help improve their lives. A poor quality life can impact a person's mental state. There millions of people on low income or average incomes and talented university educated graduates who want to better their careers but struggle to get the help to do so because the job market is not fair. Employers do not want to train and have unfair demands of what they want in candidate. An entry level job now demands more than a couple of years experience.
How is this fair ?

People with disabilities struggle in getting help and support for their condition and still face discrimination in society despite the existence of anti discrimination laws. LGBT + people still face discrimination and not all LGBT + people have a support system. This is an enormous issue for LGBT + youth in the UK who have religious parents or parents from a different culture hostile to LGBT + such young people face being disowned or even killed by their families.

The list of social inequalities in our society is just endless

How are people supposed to improve their lives if the system is not letting them ?
Sucide forums are an end result of a society neglecting it's most vunlerable. People who are vunlerable will seek a community where people understand them and will not judge them.

Would it be possible to move far away from where your family lives? That would give you a plausible excuse to have much less contact with them than at present, but without quite cutting off all contact.

 

[Forever Sleep]

This is what I wish these pro-lifers would concentrate on. If they don't want people coming here- they should be focusing on why they do. It isn't just for method information. It's for non judgemental and genuine support. Why can't they find that elsewhere?

 

[davidtorez]

This is what I wish these pro-lifers would concentrate on. If they don't want people coming here- they should be focusing on why they do. It isn't just for method information. It's for non judgemental and genuine support. Why can't they find that elsewhere?

Exactly right! Look at the reasons and fix that!

 

[Hotsackage]

We saw how hard you tried, hell almost all of us have tried so hard, but unfortunately this world is primitive in cosmic evolution, and will be for a long time. so don't be to hard on yourself. There are like minded people out there, unfortunately a lot of them wind up here.

 

[zzeroo]

I strongly relate to your part about not feeling like you matured into a real adult. I have encountered younger adults/children who are also neurodivergent but have their entire life together like an average neurotypical. I pity my family for having to deal with me, they deserved better.

 

[FireFox]

We saw how hard you tried, hell almost all of us have tried so hard, but unfortunately this world is primitive in cosmic evolution, and will be for a long time. so don't be to hard on yourself. There are like minded people out there, unfortunately a lot of them wind up here.

@Hotsackage Thank You, your comment means so much because I really did try. One of the worst things about suffering a mental illness is no one in your life saw hard you really did try to give you self a good life, achieve recovery and worst of all nobody sees how hard you fought till the hard.

I am still living with the pain of everything I went through last year. People in my life tell me to "get over it" , "forget the past" and arseholes on reddit and discord tell me get bullsh-it counselling which I can't afford privately or acess for free under the NHS.

The human brain is a natural organ but its so shocking how our own bodies can turn against us and torment us with memories from the past, our anxieties and weakness. If getting over the past so easy we would all we doing it. I hate how people believe we can control our minds and behave hostile towards others who can't do the "magic" of letting go and moving on. If it was that easy then Depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc would NOT exist as an illness.

I strongly relate to your part about not feeling like you matured into a real adult. I have encountered younger adults/children who are also neurodivergent but have their entire life together like an average neurotypical. I pity my family for having to deal with me, they deserved better.

@zzeroo Greta Thunberg is neurodivergent and at 20 years old she is wasting her potential. She is only lucky her mummy and daddy have money.

She is 20 years old instead of being at university or doing a trade apprenticeship like others her age she keeps getting arrested.

She is clearly passionate about the environment and had a lot of potential to do great things but I feel like the adults around her allowed her to self destruct and not helping her do anything with her life.

She is 20 and not that 16 year old girl anymore and I think it's kind of sad this is how her life turned out. No real friends, fame obessed parents and no direction. So sad
Greta the way she is going she will have a breakdown like the child stars.

Exactly right! Look at the reasons and fix that!

@davidtorez People do not want to do that because its a long term investment and people generally want a quick fix to things.

It is easier for people to campaign to shut down a suicide forum or blog than to campaign together to improve the mental health care system or improve aspects of society that is not working well.

People who say " go see a therapist" or try to campaign to shut down suicide forums like this one do it because they want to show how morally righteous they are and how they "helped" but actaully they don't want to deal with the hard stuff.

 

[zzeroo]

@Hotsackage Thank You, your comment means so much because I really did try. One of the worst things about suffering a mental illness is no one in your life saw hard you really did try to give you self a good life, achieve recovery and worst of all nobody sees how hard you fought till the hard.

I am still living with the pain of everything I went through last year. People in my life tell me to "get over it" , "forget the past" and arseholes on reddit and discord tell me get bullsh-it counselling which I can't afford privately or acess for free under the NHS.

The human brain is a natural organ but its so shocking how our own bodies can turn against us and torment us with memories from the past, our anxieties and weakness. If getting over the past so easy we would all we doing it. I hate how people believe we can control our minds and behave hostile towards others who can't do the "magic" of letting go and moving on. If it was that easy then Depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc would NOT exist as an illness.

@zzeroo Greta Thunberg is neurodivergent and at 20 years old she is wasting her potential. She is only lucky her mummy and daddy have money.

She is 20 years old instead of being at university or doing a trade apprenticeship like others her age she keeps getting arrested.

She is clearly passionate about the environment and had a lot of potential to do great things but I feel like the adults around her allowed her to self destruct and not helping her do anything with her life.

She is 20 and not that 16 year old girl anymore and I think it's kind of sad this is how her life turned out. No real friends, fame obessed parents and no direction. So sad
Greta the way she is going she will have a breakdown like the child stars.

I guess it is slightly sad she became so famous at a young age, because now if she does have a breakdown there are millions who may harass her online and offline.