Story I dont want to live even if im the happiest at the moment

[Fishyfloon]

To be frank there's nothing I should be depressed about. My life is as peaceful as it gets and the people around love me. Yet somehow im still having the same persistent thoughts for the past 2 years, and I doubt it'll get better in times ahead. I came to the conclusion that life is better if it's nothing, so I'm sure it isn't something impulsive, and I'm rather convinced I can handle the pain since I've failed so many attempts already. If my family and friends caught me having thoughts to ctb, it'd be a little awkward as I don't have any reason to do so. Does anyone have the same experience as me?

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

similar experience except my life isnt all that peaceful, if it was, i think id still choose non existence over existence, i really do understand where youre coming from with this, it feels like a lot of my reasons to CTB are just an existential/philosophical rejection of existence because it just doesnt seem that worth it to me, even if your life is peaceful youre still destined to suffer and life requires a lot of effort to sustain