avstin
ᡕᠵデᡁ᠊╾━
- Aug 18, 2023
- 35
I feel empty. I'm taking lots of meds now; I'm calm now, calmer than I've been in years. my head's silent. I don't want to die but I'm not living either and so now I have to accept the fact that I will keep on simply existing. I have diagnosed depression, bpd and adhd and now I come to realize that these disorders were the only thing making me "me". I don't know what now. I didn't plan on getting help and I don't know what to do with it. I didn't plan on making it to the end of college and now I don't know what comes after that. my relationship is finally healthy and happy but I don't really exist outside of it. I spend my days waiting for my partner to come home just so I don't feel alone. I've always wanted everyone to leave me alone and they did and I am happy with it - they only made me angry and miserable, but I do not know how to exist as a person without others defining me. I'm not even seeking advice but maybe someone knows this feeling, it's just so quiet now
